Do you keep a journal? I have kept a journal of some sort for most of my life. There have been lapses, at times. I think a few years went by when my kids were young and life was at a hectic pace. I have been keeping one again for quite some time, albeit a different type of journal, for me anyway.
I came across an entry from July 2011. This post was actually published on April 6, 2012. It’s kind of neat to look back and see where I was, and how far I’ve come, and at times, gone back to where I was, if the truth be told. I find myself in a similar situation now.
Here is what I wrote in July 2011:
I was reading about Joseph being thrown into the pit by his brothers. (I don’t even remember what book at this point). The author writes, “Had the incident not possessed glorious purpose, God would have disarmed it.” Seriously?! is that just about Joseph and his life, or does that include us all, I wonder. Because Joseph said in Genesis 50:20 (not sure what version), “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives”.
The word intended is the same Hebrew word translated think in Jeremiah 29:11. The author states that “God thinks of His children continually. His intentions can only be pure. Right. Full of hope. Promoting peace”. Hmmm, something for me to think on…
So all day I have been pondering my life, taking responsibility and owning my many mistakes-as a kid/teen-my many mistakes as a wife, as a mother, and as a steward of things placed into my keeping, my tending. Feeling a bit like a screw-up. Who doesn’t at some point, I guess. Though I know God can redeem my screw-ups, and I know I need to let them go.
It’s still hard. Life doesn’t change because of that but I guess it puts me in a better place to move on.
I then read this: “You keep thinking about how things might have been had that not happened…you have the capacity to be a 10 times neater person healed than you would have been just plain well. Your wealth of experience makes you rich. Spend it on hurt people”.
A true statement too. I believe there are redeeming factors in every situation whether I like it or not.
And that’s it. That’s my journal entry. I added a bit to it as I reflect upon where I am right now.
Although I’m not sure what to make of it all, I’ll just keep doing the next right thing.