Don’t be afraid to be who you are, a lesson it’s taken me many years to learn.
Breaking up is hard to do. There are no truer words than these. The pain and suffering from the heartache of a relationship gone bad is worthy enough to be the subject for songs written, movies, books and poems too. So why, I am wondering as I drag myself through the process, am I so affected when I wasn’t personally a part of the break-up?
I may need counseling, I’m not sure. I’m just saying that I’m finding it difficult to move on.
I’m not depressed. I am able to get through the days without any major trauma, unless you want to consider the two ice cream sandwiches I just scarfed down for lunch as an act of medicating to cover the pain.
I have a friend who recently told me that her mom had to see a therapist when she (the daughter) broke up with a short-term boyfriend while in college. “I’m good”, I tell her. “It’s not like that. It was a long-term, committed relationship. I was friends with the mom. Our families did things together. She is engaged now just 6 months after the break-up. She is pregnant and they are living together with a baby on the way. He didn’t see it coming. If there would have been a warning, a sign, something to let him know what was going down. The pain is still fresh. It’ll just take some time”. I tell her all of these things.
You see, It’s not just one relationship I am mourning. Did you guess? Weird, I know, or maybe not. Because these things have snowballed, all rolled into one, and here I sit.
I am loyal.
I love deeply.
I have a hard time letting go (ya think?).
But it is who I am, whether bad or good, (probably a little of both), and of my choosing or not. It is what it is and I am who I am and I’m okay with that too…finally.
Time heals all wounds is a lie. It doesn’t.
But it does allow us the opportunity to put distance between us and the situation, which in turn, helps us to put things into perspective. It affords us the luxury of licking our wounds as we decide where to file the memories and which direction to take (hint: the high road is always nice).
And to be who you are.