Those two things don’t go together, or maybe they do. It’s just been one of those weekends.
Yesterday I had to put on my big girl panties and do the right thing, the best thing for all concerned. I didn’t like it. I don’t want to wear big girl panties, and yet I do. In more ways than one. Nuff said.
Today we celebrate our oldest child and only daughter’s birthday! And I can only say what I always say…where did the time go?
I have kept journals for each of my kids, mostly when they were young. And mostly the first kid or two…my youngest hardly has any entries, but that’s the way it goes, I suppose. I read the journal that I kept for my daughter today. I found an entry, a letter I had written to her before she was born. I am putting it in this blog to honor the woman she has become, and to give wings to the emotions I am feeling today.
June 15, 1990
To Our First Child
It is 3:47 A.M.. I’ve been awake for an hour, holding the thought of you close, enjoying your presence within my body. It is only 7 1/2 weeks until the expected due date of your arrival and we have been preparing for that day. But now, as it draws so near, I don’t want to give you up because I know that after you are born, as soon as I turn around, you’ll be grown, and one day, when you are an expecting parent, you’ll understand exactly how I’m feeling right at this moment.
You were a miracle, and I still marvel at how you came to be. In fact, before we went to bed tonight, your daddy wanted to find a name that means ‘miracle’. You don’t even have a name yet and you’ve already blessed our lives.
As expecting parents we want everything to be perfect; the labor and delivery, adapting to each other, and even breastfeeding are such big deals to us now. But those things only last for the presentness of the moment. The overall picture is for you to be everything God created you to be. I feel so blessed to be able to share your life, and I thank God for giving you to us.
It is overwhelming to me, the perfectness of this moment and I wanted you to know. I don’t want to let this time slip away. I long to hold you (your daddy has wanted to hold you since we found out about you), and I long to see your face and look into your eyes.
I had to get up just to experience this time in my life, and yours, because I know in my heart of hearts that as soon as I turn around, you’ll be grown.
Happy Birthday, Brittany. I love you and am so very honored to be your mother. You are a blessing to all who know you.