Not A Perfect LIfe

life, family, homeschool, relationships, recipes, life coach, women's mentor

  • Home
  • About
    • Advertise
    • Disclosure
    • Privacy Policy
  • Contact
  • life
  • travel
You are here: Home / Archives for faith

Do You Hold On To The Past?

faith
June 16, 2020

I was going through some old stuff, things that make up a growing family. I was throwing things away that didn’t seem to matter and dividing the things that appeared to in piles for each family member to look at and decide if they wanted to keep what was rightfully theirs. My hope is to dwindle my keepsakes, but to be honest, if they don’t want them, I might still hold on to all the things of the past. So what is the point really?

God, forgiveness, growing, relationships, faith

And another truth not to be overlooked is that one day (only God knows when) I will be called home and those people who are going through the stuff now, will be going through the stuff again when that day comes. That day will come for each of us, not matter how much we hold on.

Why do we hold on to stuff? I get not all people do. Some people take a picture and toss it into the trash as soon as the event is over. They may hold on in their hearts, but the commemorative is of no consequence.  Others don’t even bother with a photo of the memento. It’s over, in the trash, next!

I’m not one of those people.

I also get that I haven’t thought about some of those memories in a very long time, not until the stuff took me down the lane that holds the secrets to days gone by. Is that why I keep it, to be reminded of where I was, what I have grown through and how I felt in the moment?

Sometimes I have such a strong yearning for the things of the past that I can’t even find the words to express it. Some memories are so incredibly sweet that the longing grows stronger. Others leave me raw, ripped open wide and deep, pulsating with every breath I take.

While riffling through the boxes, piece by aged piece, I came across a quote I had written down to remember. As I read these words they resonated afresh and anew: “Forgiveness is giving up all hope of a better past”. (After doing research, I’m not sure who originally penned those words but I heard them from Anne Lamott).

Is that why we hold on to things, because we want to change the past? Is holding on to the tangible equivalent to holding on to the things that have come and gone, whether good or bad? Do these things represent holding on to what was and can never be changed?

I’m not sure if that is what I’m doing, but if so, then I pray; Dear Father God, help me to let go of anything that keeps me tied to the past. No matter how good or how bad, it is gone. All we have is today, this moment. Help me, help us to live in the moment and trust You with our whole hearts. Forgive us for holding on to the past because it was better than today, and forgive us for holding on to all the injustices, unfairness and abuse that has occurred in our lives. Those things keep us stuck. I don’t want to be stuck, Lord, but more importantly, You don’t want us stuck. Help us to open our hearts to what You have for us today. Amen.

What are you holding on to?

 

By Laurie

Talking With TyiaLynn

faith
June 1, 2020

I have started having conversations with different people, like my friends Megan and Trevor

Please join in my conversation with TyiaLynn, the founder of Critically Loved. She shared the struggles of dealing with a critically ill child and is using all the education, family struggles, grief and anxiety that surround this issue to help other people going through similar situations.

Talking With A Friend, God Stories, God uses our stories, how God works through us, going through difficult times

Please listen to see how you can support TyiaLynn is this needed ministry and listen with an ear to connect others in need to this amazing and most importantly, Jesus.

By Laurie

I Still Believe

faith
April 26, 2020

“Even when I don’t believe, I still believe”. That’s a line from the song (and movie) by Jeremy Camp, I Still Believe. I’ve heard the line in that song like a gazillion times. but I finally heard it while watching the movie.

I Still Believe song, I Still Believe movie, Jeremy Camp, Trusting God, Faith, Trusting God in difficult times, Covid 19, Cornavirus, Help my unbelief. God is good,

Of course there is a scripture in the New Testament that says the same thing in a different way. Mark 9:24 says Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears, “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief.”

That line from the song resonated with where I am today and have often been in my life. Have you ever experienced something so big, so overwhelming that you couldn’t even pray more that these three words; “Lord, help me”? Yeah, me too.

There have been times in my life when it took every ounce of strength I had to utter those three words. I felt defeated and hopeless. I felt like giving up. But then it would hit me, where else would I go? Who else can do anything for me, to me, in me? No one but the only One Who can.

“Even when I don’t believe, I still believe.”

That line is fitting for the Covid 19 pandemic that we are currently experiencing. There are a lot of people and just as many opinions about the why and how of this extremely contagious virus. In the midst of all the chaos of the Coronavirsus people are turning to God that have written Him off a long time ago, for whatever reason.

On the other hand, this pandemic has caused many to wavier in their faith, wondering where God is in the midst of all the suffering and death. How could a loving God allow such a tragedy to happen, they wonder.

I get that, I do. I don’t know the answer to that question. I don’t know the answer to a lot of questions. Why were so many Jewish people abused and put to death for no other reason but their ethnicity? Why do innocence children fall into harm’s way? Why is there so much pain and suffering in the world?

I’m not diminishing nor comparing. Horrible things happen to good people, and I don’t know why. But I choose to trust. What else is there really? In the chaos of this present day, and all the horrific times that have occurred before, “Even when I don’t believe, I still believe/”

By Laurie

Legacy of a Father

faith
January 1, 2020

The last two weeks have been hard. Especially the week before Christmas, sitting in a hospital room in the ICU, waiting for my dad to leave this world. That was hard.

My dad was a unique and special man who lived his life well.

I have always known my dad was a good man but the full picture was made known to me last week. Stringing together his life and how he chose to live underlined, for me, the beauty of who my dad was. He took good care of my mom and loved her so well. His love for his family, immediate and extended (even in-laws ) was something I watched all my life. He was an amazing grandfather. My kids- all of his grandchildren- knew they were loved by him. Not because he did anything special, but simply because he always went out of his way to let them know they were loved.

I listened to all the kind words people said about my dad…at the visitation and the funeral, how special he was, I felt special to have had such a man for my dad. My dad left a legacy full of love for family, a life of faith, integrity, honesty and loyalty.

That’s when it hit me…not only do I have a rich heritage lived out before my eyes all during my life, but I am doubly blessed. I also have a legacy that is eternal. A legacy from the Father through Jesus Christ His Son, the most important legacy of them all.

The goodness of my earthly father doesn’t hold a candle to my heavenly Father. My earthly dad is gone from this world. I will see him again one day, but my heavenly Father…well He is always with me. He promised each of us that He would never leave us alone.

I find great comfort in that promise. This is a crazy, jacked up world. Anything can happen to anyone of us at any time and our time on earth will come to an end. It will you know. We’ve all been given a number of days that doesn’t eve compare to the life after this.

Two great legacies that I am honored to be a recipient of, but none as great as the eternal love of the Father above. For you and for me.

May 2020 be a year where you live intentionally in all that you do and love fully in all the special relationships in your lives. Most importantly, may you experience personally the love of the Father and find meaning and purpose through His Son Jesus.


By Laurie

Lingering

faith
December 23, 2019

It seems that I am in a time of lingering. I guess life has many moments where we wait for something to take place. This lingering spot is new to me. Last week my dad teetered between life and death. There was a lot of watching; a lot of time spent in the hospital…lingering.

And now he’s gone.

We await the visitation and funeral which will happen after Christmas.

Lingering still…

Going through Christmas gatherings is a means to get to the good-bye days we will experience with this man we hold so dear in our hearts, as we hover between the two. There is little excitement for Christmas this year. It’s more like something to get past so we can say our formal good-byes to my dad. We each said our final good-bye while he was still with us, in body anyway.

This lingering is a foreshadow of sorts. We are all lingering. We are all growing older, and one day it will be my kids who feel what I’m feeling now. But here’s the thing, that’s the way it was designed before the first man took his first breath. God knew~

I’m not saying that I understand it all. Not even close. I AM saying that I don’t always like it. But I know that my dad believed with all his heart and soul that he would spend eternity with our Father and His Son, Jesus. I am my father’s daughter. I believe so too.

That is the hope that I hold onto, that not only will I see my dad and all my loved ones who have passed, but I will live with them forever. And this life that has way too many pains and sorrows for my taste, will be over.

I know the One Who gives life. I hope while you’re lingering here on earth, you will live your life with the end in mind and come to know the Father too, through a relationship with Jesus, His Son

By Laurie

What Then? Part 2

faith
November 24, 2019

Continuing from the last post:

And that’s what makes this hard. It is sin. Just more acceptable because it can be dressed up, hidden or paraded about as righteousness. I am a sinner, the same as the person who has such obvious hatred in their hearts that they openly show it for all the world to see. I am the same as that person. I only look better because I do those things that the Lord has taught. I obey the law, attend church, spend time with God, tithe. I do all those things that make me holy, but they are as filthy rags. Because in my heart, if I am honest, I think God owes me a decent life because of my righteousness. As it is written: There is no one righteous, not even one. Romans 3:10.

Dang it!

faith, Serving God, Trusting God, believing God's Word, truth, living as if it's true, how would it chage your life?, God's Word never changes, changed life

 

It’s not that I think I’m better than anyone else, on a conscious level. I don’t. I’m a sinner saved by grace. That’s what makes this sin so deceptive. I don’t know what I don’t know. I truly love God. I desire to follow after His ways and seek to do His will. But in my heart, I am a sinner. In the deep recesses of my soul, there lies the things that I have neglected, but I didn’t know I wasn’t paying attention. There lies those “acceptable” sins because no one knows about them. Not even me, until recently.

This isn’t to heap additional guilt on you who probably already carry more than you were intended to carry. This isn’t to make me feel better about myself by exposing your hidden sins. This is to say; “Yeah, me too”. I have sin that I didn’t know was there. I look way more righteous than I am. Not because I set out to deceive you. I am deceived myself.

I have looked inside my heart because of the circumstances of my life and have found pride, resentment and a sense of entitlement that I had no idea was there. Thank you, Faces of Christ retreat and Charles Martin, author of What If It’s True? I could have gone on living just the way I was, thank you very much. Letting people think that I am holy, as He is holy because He abides in me, and I in Him.

I have looked at the ugliness that lives in my heart. I have even told others about this discovery. The first time was truly painful, but I have found that it gets easier each time I feel the need to share.

I’m tired of me and the junk in my life that keeps me stuck. I want to be free from the pettiness, and the shame of sin that so easily finds a place to dwell. And I think God for His love and grace because He wants that for me too. I think He wants it for you as well.

He wants us free to be who He created us to be:

Vessels of the Holy Spirit.

Jesus walking the earth today.

Conduits for His gifts.

Forgiveness for our sins. Those blatant, in your face kind of sins, and the ones we need never share.

Especially the ones we need never share.

 

By Laurie

What Then?

faith
November 23, 2019

“What if we believed it was true? Every single word that Jesus ever spoke. Every word that is written and recorded in the Bible for our example, edification and encouragement. What if we believed that those words were written to withstand the test of time, and they are just as applicable to us who live today, as much as they were to those who lived in the times in which they were written?

What if we believed them that way?

faith, Serving God, trusting God, Trusting God, believing God's Word, truth, living as if it's true, how would it chage your life?, God's Word never changes, changed life

 

I have just finished listening to What If It’s True? a book by Charles Martin, for the second time. I have actually read parts of it as well, especially the prayers he wrote and placed at the end of each chapter. During this time of reading (listening) to this book, I attended a Faces of Christ retreat. Not what I expected, but in a good way. Well, let me qualify that statement…in a good way if you really want to look at the junk that has been tucked away in your heart for many years, that you have conveniently forgotten about because, well, it’s ugly, and if the truth be told, not as justifiable as you would like it to be.

Don’t get me wrong…I haven’t committed murder, adultery or broken any of the Ten Commandments. Wait, that’s not true. I am sinner, a human in desperate need of the saving grace of Jesus Christ. Me, the keeper of the Ten Commandments…well, the “big” ones, anyway.

Here’s the thing though, that has kept me from the truth buried in my heart, I have tried to live my life in such a way that will bring glory and honor to my Father whom I love and desire to serve with every fiber of my being. I spend time with Him, yielding my life and heart to what He says in His word, as to how I am to live and conduct my life.

Therein lies the problem. Because I have done those things that He taught, I have developed (and buried deep within) an entitlement mentality. I didn’t intend to do that. I didn’t even know it was there but, if truth be told, I think God owes me a good life, a decent one at the very least. I didn’t even that was folded deep inside my inner being.

But it’s true and it’s ugly.

It’s not something I want you or anyone else to know about me. Heck, I just realized this about myself and was quite shocked, but it’s there, nonetheless.

Why am I telling you these things? Why would I want you to know such prideful painful parts of who I am? I don’t really. I would rather you think that I am a holy servant of the Most High God. And I am and will continue to pursue Him as long as there is life in me. But I figure that if I have encountered these ugly, painful truths about myself, then I’m probably not the only one. Perhaps you, well, not you exactly, but maybe the person sitting beside you who is reading this post too, has had an inkling that maybe they harbor similar (acceptable) sins as well.”

I wrote the above post a few weeks ago but wasn’t sure how I was going to use it. I decided here was the perfect place. It’s a little longer than my usual posts so I will post the remainder of the article tomorrow, so come back and see how I wrap it up! 😉

 

By Laurie

Do It Anyway

faith
August 1, 2019

This article first appeared in The Southeast Outlook: Faith to do it anyway.

Sometimes I think I try to fit Jesus into my world instead of fitting into His. It’s sort of like me letting Him be a part of my everyday life. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing, but what if He wants me to be in His world instead? I think that’s where reading the gospels comes into play.

Bible, faith, faith blog, Jesus, doing what God says, doing it even when we don't know how to trust, the gospels, feeding 5000, five fishes, two loaves of bread

I was recently mediating on the story of Jesus feeding the 5,000 in the book of Mark, chapter six. We’ve all heard the story many times before but this time I decided to imagine I was there watching. What would it have been like to have been an eyewitness, one among the crowd that day, listening to Jesus teach and watching Him perform this miracle?

As I imagined the scene, I couldn’t help but notice that the disciples were looking a little haggard. The day was growing long; the sun steadily moving across the sky toward the west. The disciples knew the people must be getting hungry. They had listened for hours as Jesus taught with authority. The disciples had watched Him walk among the crowd, touching their heads affectionately as He passed by. It had been quite a day, but the disciples felt like it was time to wrap it up.

The crowd seemed restless. Parents wanting to tend to their families, to make sure the children were properly fed before making the trek home. But the pull to stay was strong. They didn’t want to miss a word of what was being said by this man who spoke with such gentleness and love. So, they lingered just a little longer.

Finally, by silent consent, the disciples gathered around Jesus to tell Him of their concerns for the people. Jesus was moved. He smiled at the disciples and His eyes lit up while He listened. He liked what He was hearing. He liked that this chosen group of loyal friends had compassion on the people who had thronged to hear Him speak.

What happened next took the disciples by surprise. Jesus told them to feed this mass of people. They looked at each other bewildered. Feed 5,000 people? Did Jesus just say what they thought He said? Jesus wanted them to feed all these people with a mere five loaves of bread and two fishes?

It’s not that they thought Jesus couldn’t do this thing He proposed. After all, they had been around long enough to know that He could heal the sick and raise the dead. But feeding a hungry throng of people? They had expected Jesus to dismiss the crowd instead, telling them it was time to go home and tend to their families. They expected Jesus to bid them farewell and call it a day.
But He didn’t. So, these men who had chosen to leave their former lives and follow Jesus, began the task at hand, to feed the people in attendance. Because that’s what they had signed up for, to follow Him wherever He went and to do whatever He said. Jesus knew they surely had doubts and questions, but they did what He asked of them anyway.

How great a faith, to do it anyway.

Jesus knew all of these things. He understood that they had doubts. He knew they had questions. But I got the feeling that this was about more than just feeding the hungry mob of people. This was about the disciples and their faint in Him. Isn’t it always about more than just one thing? Jesus is a multi-tasker when it comes to loving us well.
I imagined Jesus’ heart filling with love for the disciples as He watched them act in simple obedience. He knew they needed to do the things that seemed outlandish to them. He knew it was in the doing that would cause their faith in Him to grow. He knew they needed to have doubts and questions but do it anyway.

Then, as I continued to imagine being there that day among the people, watching the disciples do what Jesus had instructed them to do, I felt Jesus inviting me to do the same. It was more than an invitation though. He was encouraging me to do what the disciples were doing, even in the midst of my doubts and questions, to trust Him. To go ahead and do it anyway.

He has met me many times just for being willing to do what He asked of me. Just for being willing. It wasn’t because I had such great faith in Him to show up in my life and make it all better. It was because I had doubts and questions but did what He asked me to do anyway.

He meets us where we are, in the messiness of life, with all our doubts and questions in His ability to make all things new.

But He does it anyway.

By Laurie

Who Are We Really?

faith
June 8, 2019

Who are we really?

I am currently listening to the audio book I Thought It Was Just Me by Brene Brown. She is a research professor at the University of Houston. She studies shame and the effects that we carry with us because of the shame messages we receive often beginning in childhood.

women, being real, who God created us to be, who am I, real women, fake women, how to be real women

She wrote this book, based on interviews she conducted with hundreds of women, in hopes of helping us all to recognize the many ways we are influenced by shame, especially the subtle ways via television, magazines and social media. She writes about ways we can alter those shame messages so we can be fully present in our relationships with those we care about.

She shared about a class she teaches for women only at the university. She asks them each to bring in their favorite fashion magazines. She supplies paper, scissors and glue and then instructs them to go through the magazines and find pictures that represent the way they want to look, including clothes, make-up, hair styles and all the body parts, making a collage with the chosen pictures.

These students eagerly cut and paste the perfect images that represent the way they each want to look. This part of the exercise is easy. Once complete they move on to the second half of the activity. She then tells them to look through the magazines and find pictures that represent how they really look. What they are wearing, how they did their hair and all the body parts. This half proves to be an exercise in futility. Some only find a pair of shoes to glue on the paper.

 

Who are we really?

Not the beautifully coiffed women portrayed on television. Not the perfectly sized and put together women who appear on the covers of these favorite magazines. Not the carefully chosen moments we see on social media feeds of the rich and famous, or even those we know personally.

Who are they really?

And then it hit me… this isn’t solely a woman issue. It’s a human issue. We long for our relationships to be like those unattainable ones we see in Hallmark movies or read about in the many romance novels, all the while knowing it isn’t reality, yet hoping that maybe it is…

Who are we really?

The perfect marriages-the couples always smiling and having fun together, traveling, driving nice cars, living in lovely homes? The put-together families-happy mothers, fathers and kids-who seem to have it all together all the time? The women who appear to effortlessly manage the monotony of the not-so-glamorous parts of mothering with the daily demands of careers, even in the most trying of times? The fathers and husbands who are attentive and fully present at the end of each long day?

Who are we really?

Certainly not the people manufactured by our modern culture. Shine it up and polish it to perfection and then roll it out, minute by minute, in hopes that woman and men, the world over will buy into the fallacy without question.

Who are we really?

We are unique, and beautifully created to be who God designed us to be. We are individuals, valuable and cherished by the Father who knows us intimately and loves us immensely. To be anything less is to dishonor ourselves, our God and our families.

Who are we really?

Spending time getting to know ourselves as we come to know God is the only way of finding the answer.

 

By Laurie

On Being Strong

faith
May 19, 2019

Around four years ago I wrote a post titled Don’t Tell Me I’m Strong. Just last week someone left a remark. It’s amazing the power of words, and the amplification by the Internet. Add the Jesus factor and the possibilities are endless.

Being strong, faith, faith blogger, faith writer, troubles, vulnerability, be there, what to say

This is how that post started: “Don’t tell me I’m strong”, I heard myself say as I sat and talked with a group of people. “I’m not sure why, but it really pisses me off”. This became a new topic of discussion as we delved a little deeper, because others were identifying and agreeing that they weren’t that thrilled with hearing those words either.

You can read the entire post by clicking here.

Here is the comment that was left last week: Thank you. My child was stillborn nine weeks ago and I’m so f’ing tired of people telling me that “I’m strong.” “You’re so strong” it makes me want to punch them in the face. I mean, it’s definitely better than them not saying anything, I appreciate that they’re trying to be encouraging… but it makes me really angry. I actually had to look and see if anyone else felt the same.

I was struck with the fact that this woman had those same feelings but had never heard anyone else express them, so she did what anyone living in the twenty-first century would do…she Googled it. And she found my post. There is such a comfort in knowing that someone “gets us”, understands exactly how we feel, even if this person is halfway across the country or even the world.

The power of “Yeah, me too” is so impactful. It brings connection. What greater purpose is there in telling your story?

I was also struck with another thing…no man is an island. There is nothing new under the sun. We all think we’re so different (not in a good way), that no one else has ever felt the way we’ve felt, or experienced the things we have. To some extent this is true. Every story is different. Every life is unique. Human nature, however, is pretty universal.

The feelings of connection and belonging are huge. Don’t be afraid to tell your story. You never know who’s life it might touch in a way that no one else, or any other story could.

We have commonalities. If you have had a thought or feeling that seems different, chances are someone else has thought and felt the same as you.

People want, maybe even need to hear; “Yeah, me too”.

Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable with a person who has earned the right to hear your story. Vulnerability can dispel loneliness and bring a feeling of belonging and worth.

Let them be where they are. Don’t try to change or fix.

Instead, listen with the heart of the Father.

And pray.

 

By Laurie

« Previous Page
Next Page »
laurie
Hello, beautiful, courageous woman. Struggles and dysfunction don't have to define us - they can even drive us to create and live fuller lives. Let's journey together~
( read more )
Never Miss a Post
Subscribe to the newsletter to get all the latest from Beyond My Blue Door straight to your inbox
Beyond My Blue Door

Blog Archives

Copyright ©2021, Not A Perfect LIfe. All Rights Reserved. Custom design by Pixel Me Designs