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Anniversay Date

life

It has been three years ago today since my friend, Jan left this world to be reunited with her Heavenly Father, her dad and many other family and friends who left the world before she did. In so many ways it seems like Jan has been gone for a lot longer than three years, but in so many ways, it doesn’t.

She is loved and missed by many. In honor of the life she lived well, I am republishing the post I wrote a few days before she left us: Preparing To Leave.

Please look past the horrible picture of me and look at her smile as you read the words I wrote on the day she told me she was leaving this world.

gratitude, relationships, life coach, authentic you, true intimacy

my friend, a life well lived, preparing to leave, I miss my friend

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Sleepless Nights

life

Something weird happened at work on Thursday. I was running on empty with just two hours of sleep as I began my daily routine. The first person I encountered told me she hadn’t slept well the night before either and she shared a few of the reasons why.

Sleeplessness, sleep, crazy world, prayer, hope, peace, Father

A little later I was talking with a co-worker on my team and he said he hadn’t slept at all the night before. Another co-worker had a conversation with a friend before bedtime and she couldn’t turn her thoughts off. They continued to run laps around in her brain leaving her with the inability to fall asleep.

What the heck?!

It was my turn to lead our prayer and devotion time for our team on Thursday. I didn’t have a clue what I was going to say, but then I received a text from a friend that filled me with hope and peace. I read those words for the devotion but not until after I took a poll. I asked each person in the room how they had slept Wednesday night. Six out of eight of us had not gotten ample sleep the night before and most of us didn’t know why.

The day before (Wednesday) a horrible shooting had taken place at a Kroger store in our community. It’s not a bad neighborhood. In fact, it’s a pretty safe middle-American place to live. But someone decided to end two lives in the hub of innocent people going about their day.

I wondered if that had given us all unrest even though the news is filled everyday with acts of violence, some random, some not. We’ve all become somewhat anesthetized to this occurrence, but perhaps on a subconscious level we are losing sleep due to the breakdown in society.

We took turns praying for one another that day. I listened as I waited to wrap up prayer time. These co-workers who prayed aloud could have gone on for awhile praying for the things they had agreed to pray for and adding to that list. As I listened, I thought about the thousands of other things we could each bring to the Father. I thought about the thousands of people outside those walls who had thousands of things they were praying about and thousands of things they weren’t.

And then it hit me as I continued to listen and wait my turn; each of my friends who had prayed wrapped their time up with thoughts and praise to the Father. He is our Hope and Peace.

Where else can we go? Who else can we turn to? Even though there are times that I cry out to the Father and ask Him if He sees all the senseless suffering, I always go back to Him. It seems my co-workers do as well.

Our help is in the name of the LORD, the MAKER of heaven and earth (Psalm 124:8.

Amen~

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Life is Like a Drive-thru Lane

life

Early one Saturday morning I found myself in a position where an important decision needed to be made. I was in a drive-thru line at Chick-fil-A. It was my last chance to redeem the free Cow Calendar selection of the month!

Life, Chick-fil-A, choosing, choices, making life decisions, Jesus, God, Redeemer

Have you ever been in a double drive through lane? If so, then you know the crucial time when you must choose between lanes. The time a commitment must be made. If you’re like me, you don’t want to choose the wrong lane.

There was a car at each ordering station when I pulled into the drive-thru line, and there was one car just ahead of me. The car ahead was inching its way into Lane A, making the best decision with the limited information of who is ordering what in each of the cars in front, and how long it would take to place the order. As I was waiting my turn, pondering which way I should go, the decision was made for me and for that I was grateful. I really wasn’t prepared for such a weighty matter so early in the morning. The car in Lane B had just pulled away, leaving a wide-open slot for someone to pull up and order. I sat there for a few seconds giving the car ahead of me the chance to somehow maneuver into the open lane. It just wasn’t meant to be.

After I had placed my order, I pulled away, feeling sorry for the car that was once ahead of me who was now sadly behind me, still waiting to place her order.

She chose the wrong lane! And there was nothing she could do to redeem the situation.

She may have been okay with whatever lane she was in. It may not have mattered one bit. After all, it was a Saturday morning. Maybe she had some time to spare as she was running her morning errands. Or, maybe it was a really big deal. Perhaps she was in a bit of a time-crunch, rushing madly to grab her kid a quick bite to eat before the big game began.

I don’t know the circumstances of her life, or her day for that matter. I just know that I have been where she was. I have chosen the wrong lane myself.

And then it hit me! Sometimes we choose the wrong lane in life. Sometimes, we settle for what looks like the most logical choice, the most convenient; the lane that will bring about the fastest, easiest results that we eagerly long for.

Does it ever feel like you’ve chosen the wrong lane? Have you ever found yourself in a place where you know you chose the wrong lane, but it was years ago and now there is simply nothing to be done about it? The problem is, you can’t unchange the choice you opted for so long ago.

Sometimes life is like a drive-thru lane. The clock is ticking, or so it seems, and a decision needs to be made. Sometimes the consequences of that decision will not manifest until years down the road. There are times when it is too late to rethink a matter. The path you have chosen is the one you are on.

There are no do-overs in life, or at times, in a drive-thru lane. You stay the course and hope for the best. In life, unlike the drive-thru lane, there is a redemptive option. Jesus gave His life so we can live above the circumstances, even thrive in spite of the lane we have chosen. Jesus can take the messed-up things and give them purpose and meaning. Only God can turn something wrong into something very good.

And just in case you’re wondering, I paid for the woman behind me, who would have been in front of me, except she chose the wrong lane.

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Those Childhood Friends

life

Why is it that we think we have way more time than we do? And what is it about those childhood friends?

It has been said that: “The memories of childhood stay with you for the long haul.” (The Wonder Years).

Mary Jo Putney said something similar: “What one loves in childhood stays in the heart forever.”

I concur.

life, friends, friends for life, life is short, a life well-live

We all have memories we carry in our hearts for life. We also have material things we keep from those long ago days of growing up. Perhaps a first baseball glove, an outstanding term paper written in high school, or a note passed in the hallway in between classes, from a best friend or love interest.

Material things fade and turn yellow, but the memories linger long.

I recently learned of the passing of a childhood friend. I haven’t had much contact with this friend since high school, so why do I feel so saddened by this news?

What is it about those childhood friends?

When I first heard that this friend was diagnosed with lung cancer just a few short weeks ago, and was given only months to live, well, that was a hard pill to swallow. It didn’t matter a bit that Dennis hasn’t been a regular part of my life for a few decades. The news brought sadness and grief.

I toyed with the idea of visiting him at home, where he spent his last days; or perhaps writing him a letter sharing with him some of my favorite memories. I wanted him to know that it mattered to me, that HE mattered to me, regardless of how long it’s been since we all hung out in those yesteryears of growing up.

It seems I waited too long.

I thought I had more time to decide exactly what I wanted to say, and if I wanted to say it in person or in writing.

I wish I would have made a decision and acted on it.

I didn’t.

Life carries with it a smattering of regrets.

I will attend the funeral and say my “Goodbyes” in the traditional way after death has occurred, but what I wouldn’t give for that one last chance for conversation.

Don’t get me wrong, I know this desire to connect is mostly for me. I know Dennis had family and friends he was close to and those are the ones he wanted around as he lived his last days.

But I wanted him to know that I remember. I wanted him to know WHAT I remembered of him and how the memories of those days I still carry with me, as vividly as if they were months ago. I had a desire to share with him how important that time in our past still is to me; playing kickball in the middle of the street, and football in the wide open field that became the hub of our childhood. And the teen years that followed, as we each tried to find our way through to become the adults we are today…those people I did  life with as a kid still matter.

I ponder now, as I recall all the things…is there someone else I need to connect with? Another day isn’t promised for any of us. Teach us, Lord, to number our days.

Maybe today is the day to reconnect with those who matter most… both presently in our lives and those from our childhood.

Because there’s just something about those childhood friends that we carry with us always~

 

 

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Walking Home

life

I came across an intriguing quote today:

In the end, we’re all just walking each other home.

It gave me something to ponder as I began my morning routine.

This quote that I read was posted by a young woman who had just said her final good-bye to her mother who has courageously fought cancer for many years. This battled ended differently than the rest. This wife, mother, grandma and friend is now whole and at peace living in the presence of God.

At church this past weekend, Dave Stone delivered a message that encouraged us to seek wisdom from God. In the atrium of our church stands four double blackboards.

life, doing life together, we need each other, connection, connecting with people

On each board these words are written: Wisdom I’ve Learned. Buckets of chalk sit beside each board and dozens of people wrote words of wisdom on these boards; things they had learned through their journey in life.

life, doing life together, we need each other, connection, connecting with people

After pondering the above quote for awhile I too wrote on the blackboard: We’re just passing through. This is not our home.

life, doing life together, we need each other, connection, connecting with people

It seems like we often forget why we are here. I’m sure there are many different reasons and purposes, depending on who you ask and their personal beliefs.

I was reminded of something today by a fellow sojourner. He said God has placed us where we are. God knew the choices we would make and the situations we would encounter. He put us together with the people who are in our lives for a reason. Knowing the reason isn’t as important as how we choose to journey.

Two weeks ago Kyle Idleman encouraged us with the wisdom of these words: The incident, situation, circumstance, abuse, addiction, betrayal, divorce, job loss, etc. may not have been our responsibility, but we are responsible for how we respond.

Always.

We get to choose how to respond to whatever life throws our way.

God loves us that much.

He gave us the gift of choosing and responding.

The beauty of it all comes from the fact that we don’t have to go it alone. He also gave us the gift of people because in the end, we need each other.

That’s a gift too.

This is not our forever place.

And we don’t have to do life alone.

When those two things collide, it’s a beautiful thing.

The greatest gift of all…doing life together with a specific end and purpose because in the end,

We get to walk each other home~

 

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Out of Chaos

life

I just finished reading Grace is Greater by Kyle Idleman. It took me several months to get through it and I typically devour books. I struggled often. Because of my struggles, I would put the book down and walk away, shaking my head.

Clearly Kyle had no idea.

Life is hard, life is difficult, Grace is Greater, Streams in the Desert

I remember hearing a wise person say: “Life is difficult”many moons ago. That was a profound statement to me.

I knew life was difficult. Trust me, I knew! I had experienced quite a few difficult situations in my life. I knew firsthand just how difficult life could be. How painful. How unmanageable.

But I thought it was just me. I thought I was doing something wrong. Anybody with me?

Kyle says the same thing at the end of his book, using different words.

“Life is hard”. Yep!

Then he said: “God is good”. And suddenly I’m struggling, trying to reconcile the two. And I’m no stranger to the things of God, but these things often collide in my world.

You see, I had been trying to make sense out of chaos. That simply doesn’t work. There is no sense to be made out of senseless events. But Kyle added: “Just keep reading”. Just keep trusting that the author of your story has a purpose for the pain, the situation, the events that have torn your life apart and turned your world upside-down.

The part that stinks? According to Kyle, sometimes we won’t know the purpose until after we leave this world.

That’s a hard pill to swallow.

And then I was reading something else that fits right in with what Kyle says in his book and it tied it all together for me. I read about the rocks on Pebble Beach, on the California coast. I read about the raging surf that pounds continuously against the rocks on the shore. The rocks are tossed, turned, rubbed, and ground over and over.

There is a purpose to this relentless pounding: Tourists flock from around the globe to add one of these uniquely crafted beauties to their collection. They are a work of divine art. But right up a bit, there is a cove where rocks abound.

NO. ONE. CARES.

Streams in the Desert says this about those rocks: “So why have these stones been left untouched through all the years? Simply because they have escaped all the turmoil and grinding of the waves. The quietness and peace have left them as they have always been–rough, unpolished, and devoid of beauty-for polish is the result of difficulties.” 

That bears repeating: POLISH IS THE RESULT OF DIFFICULTIES.

And did you catch that one part? The quietness and peace have left them as they have always been…

That doesn’t mean we should set up camp in the eye of the chaotic storm and never leave. It doesn’t mean to stay in dysfunction. But it does mean there is a purpose. When God is involved, there is ALWAYS a purpose. Quietness and peace serve a purpose too, but the beauty comes from the hard stuff.

Another fork in the road. Do I trust, even in the storms? Do I trust the process He has put into place for my life?

Do you?

It’s a choice. It always is~

To choose to trust the author of the story.

Out of the chaos.

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Journey of a Thousand Miles

life

They say a journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. I know this is true. But I have a question about this journey; What if, on this one thousand mile journey, you have a misstep? What then? Do you go back and start all over again?

journey, stay on the journey, God knows, When you don't know the purpose

But what if you don’t know exactly which step was the one that led you down the wrong path. Then what?

In life, we don’t get do-overs

Are there do-overs in the journey of a thousand miles? And what if we were given this second chance? Would we recognize the path which we should not have chosen in the first place? Would we instinctively know which step or set of footprints are the ones we should avoid?

Moot points, all of it. I get that. I can’t help but to think of a few special people who may have chosen a different path if they could.

Debi who lost her young child.

Jan’s children who lost their mother too soon.

Shelbi, the young woman who was diagnosed with MS.

Eugene who lost his wife after a long battle with cancer.

The list is endless~

This leads me to another thought…I listen to so many stories of people who seem to know where their journey went awry. They can even find the gratitude in the situation. But, if every act, situation or event, no matter how horrific or painful, has a purpose, one that will ultimately lead to good things, generally for more than just the person involved, what if after…er…let’s say 57 years, you still don’t know what the purpose is? What if you don’t understand the purpose behind the events after years and years of searching?

What then?

Does that make you some kind of freak? And what if after, let’s say 57 years, of trying to figure out what you have failed to see so far, you just decide to do it all again tomorrow?

Does that make you a weakling?

Because that’s sort of where I find myself today. Hey, why not be brutally honest? That’s where I find myself AGAIN today. Blindly believing that even though I am no closer to knowing the purpose behind the tragic and sad events, there is still a God who does. A God who cares. A God who thinks of you and me more each day than outnumber the grains of sand on the earth.

I think perhaps, that’s makes me a Christ-follower. I think it makes you one too. No closer to knowing the purpose on this earth, but a step closer to spending eternity with the God who does know.

As long as you stay on the journey.

For that reason alone, let us take another step.

 

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Chasing the Lion

life

The Lion Chaser’s Manifesto

by

Mark Batterson

life, Southeast Christian Church, Mark Batterson, University of Louisville Baseball, facing fear

“Quit living as if the purpose of life is to arrive safely at death.

Run to the roar.

Set God-sized goals. Pursue God-given passions.

Go after a dream that is destined to fail without divine intervention.

Stop pointing out problems. Become part of the solution.

Stop repeating the past.

Start creating the future.

Face your fears. Fight for your dreams.

Grab opportunity by the mane and don’t let go!

Live like today is the first day and last day of your life.

Burn sinful bridges.

Blaze new trails.

Live for the applause of nail-scarred hands.

Don’t let what’s wrong with you keep you from worshipping what’s right with God.

Dare to fail. Dare to be different.

Quit holding out. Quit holding Back. Quit running away.

Chase the lion.”

I first heard this manifesto right after the super regional that occurs in college baseball. You can watch it here.

Dan McDonnell, the baseball coach of the University of Louisville, had one of his players read this during the press conference after the game. They all wore “Omaha Bound” baseball caps. Because they are…Omaha bound. In fact, they’re there now. Which is a very good thing if you’re a U of L fan, because the sanctions for the basketball program…

Nuff said.

I digressed.

And then I heard about the Lion Chaser’s Manifesto again today at a staff meeting where I work.

I work at an amazing place, with amazing people and amazing leaders.

So, I purchased Chase the Lion by Mark Batterson, (of course I did!) and began reading.

And immediately I’m stuck.

As you may have imagined, this book has a little to do with facing your fears. Feeling fear but doing it anyway. Not letting fear stop you from realizing your wildest, God-sized dreams.

Here’s where I got stuck…I think you first have to identify the fear.

What are you afraid of?

What am I afraid of?

What if we don’t know?

It’s not a given, easy to spot kind of thing. Not always.

And then another thought hit me: Maybe it’s okay to NOT know what you’re afraid of.

Maybe the important thing is to know we all have fears that we have to face in order to live the life we desire.

The main thing perhaps, is that we see the fear, know the fear, FEEL the fear and in spite of it all, keep moving forward.

Maybe in its simplest form, that’s the way to chase a lion.

 

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Race for Grace

life

Hebrews 12:15 says this: See to it that no one misses the grace of God. NIV

grace. forgiveness, freedom, life

I picked up a copy of Grace is Greater by Kyle Idleman, teaching pastor at Southeast Christian Church in Louisville, Kentucky, and dove right in. I like Kyle’s way of teaching and his books are always easy to read. I’m not saying they aren’t filled with useful, spiritual things to help us grow, but he has unique delivery that invites us to explore. I expected this book to be no different from the others, but let’s get real…it’s about grace. What could be bad about grace?

Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing bad about grace at all. In fact, if not for the grace of God…

But this book? This book was a harder read than I was expecting. I was a bit taken aback. Had Kyle pulled a fast one on those of us who are fans of his teaching style? Because this book, well, it’s a little bit more than just about grace.

It IS about grace but it’s also about forgiveness.

Here’s what I’m learning as I wade through this grace thing. God is full of grace. His mercies are new every morning according to Lamentations. But that’s not a one and done, automatic sort of deal. What I’m seeing is you only receive the amount of grace that you extend to others.

That may seem unfair to some, but here’s what I know…you can’t do grace with unforgiveness in your heart. Grace is all about forgiving. Forgiving the big things and the small. Being a follower of Christ requires something of us. It requires that we live the way Jesus lived. It means to actively follow after His teachings. It means to extend grace to those who have wronged us, even if they are unaware of the wrong.

My friend Carolyn, introduced me to the phrase “Race for Grace”. The idea is to be the first one to forgive, or to extend grace regardless of who is at fault.

Be the first one to step up to the plate and give grace, even if it’s not deserved. Especially if it’s not deserved~ Because grace is a gift. It’s a gift we extend to someone who doesn’t necessarily deserve it.

We extend grace because grace has been given to us by the Father, when He sent His son.

Unforgiveness is a life-stealer. It comes cleverly disguised as justice. In truth, it steals our life and our joy if we don’t know how to let go.

Extending grace doesn’t mean to forget the horrible things that were done to us. That’s not even possible. It means to choose to let God be the one to decide and to deal with the person who has offended however He sees fit. And then we get to experience freedom.

Freedom to live.

Freedom to love.

And freedom to pray for those who have wronged us.

 

 

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A Baby, A Prodigal and A Marriage

life

I find myself at home today, alone with my thoughts and…well… the Internet, which gives me much to think about. As if I don’t do that enough already!

life, God, trusting God, marriage, prodigals, babies, expecting mothers

My friend Jan, the one who left this world too early-in the opinion of those who loved her- has another grandchild on the way. Her youngest child is expecting a baby! Jan’s mother called me to request prayer for this mother-to-be who I have known since before her entrance into the world.

She needs prayer because she is alone due to a recent move to a new city, with a new job and a first-time pregnancy (morning sickness included), and a husband who is in a new fellowship and is very busy.

So many new things…

Without her mother.

I was thrilled to learn of this news and even more overjoyed that Jan’s mother called to share it with me and ask me to pray.

It is my pleasure.

Then there’s the prodigal thing…

We all know prodigal sons and/or daughters. If truth be told, some of us may have one. There is no better-known “prodigal” than Katy Perry. Did you read her mother’s Message for Parents of Prodigals? “Praising God through the Pain” is what her post is all about. She said: “It’s only the love of God that will bring them back.”

Amen~

To walk in that; LIVE in that is all we really need, in any situation.

Which leads me to this last thing…Proverbs 31 Ministries. I have heard of this ministry. I may have even read or heard things written/said from the one who started this ministry, Lysa TerKeurst. I read a post last night that has left many with sadness and questions.

She shared an open and honest post about the ending of her 25 year old marriage.

So many are shocked, and all are saddened as they read about the last eighteen months of her life…her marriage…her family.

It is over.

She fought hard by living what she believes.

In the end, it didn’t really matter because her husband chooses the path he is walking, instead of the one he has lived.

Many are scared because, “How could this happen?”. “If it happened to Lysa, it can happen to anybody.”. “If it can happen to anybody, it can happen to me.”…

There is truth in those fears. But there is Grace too. And Grace is Greater. The God of all creation knows exactly what is going to happen in each of our lives.

EXACTLY.

Although He didn’t author this marriage demise, He is in it. He can bring healing to all people in every situation.

That truth is the only one that really matters.

And now I will pray. Not just for Jan’s daughter, but for all expecting mothers in trying situations; and for Katy and all the prodigals, and for Art and all of the husbands who have believed the enemy and gone down a path that leads to pain for those he cared about.

 

 

 

 

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