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3 Steps To Discover Purpose In Your Life

life
July 25, 2021

Determining what our purpose is in life can be one of the hardest questions that we will face. Here are 3 steps to discover purpose in your life by exploring your feelings and beliefs. The goal is to help you have a clearer understanding so you can begin to employ these things in your life to help give it meaning.

making choices, core values, showing up in your life, making decisions, having a mission statement

The three steps to the process of discovering the purpose of your life:

1. You Get To Choose
2. Know Your Core Values
3. Align your life with Your Core Values

You Get To Choose

Norman Vincent Peale said this about the power of choice. “The greatest power we have is
the power of choice. It is an actual fact, that if you have been groping under unhappiness, you
can choose to be joyous, instead. And, by effort, lift yourself into joy. If you tend to be fearful, you
can overcome that misery by choosing to have courage. The whole trend and the quality of
anyone’s life is determined by the choices that are made”.

“Choosing” is a God-given privilege. By making a choice, you are proclaiming your desires to your subconscious mind and to your spirit. Once the subconscious mind gets to know your desires, it starts to work to manifest them in your life. The choices you make in your life are important to not just you, but to the generations that will follow long after you are gone. We are leaving a legacy. With intentional actions you should be able to achieve those things you desire.

Indecision  not only creates frustration and anxiety, but it is actually making a decision. The decision to not decide, which is a whole different topic Something to remember is that it is important to make choices that align with your values. You will have a lot less grief and angst in your life if you are truly living out your core beliefs.

There are times when we let others make choices for us, or make our choices according to what we think other people want us to do, which isn’t always living out our values. If you’re in a relationship or have a family, then you need to consider those people without letting them dictate what you should do. Balancing that can be challenging but doable. We have the Holy Spirit to guide us along the path we are to take.  Psalm 37:4 says; Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart (ESV).

Know Your Core Values

The second step is to examine your life and see what makes you feel alive. This will help to determine your core values. And while we’re on the topic, do you have a mission statement for your life? Businesses, churches and other organizations have mission statements. It comes in handy when making decisions. Some individuals have mission statements for their lives as well. It just makes sense to do so.

Here are a few things to look for when determining what your core values are to help craft a mission statement. How do you show up in your life? What gives your life meaning and purpose? What is your passion? What is it that you
love to do? Try to put that in a short and precise statement.  You can even use a quote, or a philosophy that has influenced you. The Bible and the way Jesus lived His life is a great place to look and model.

Your mission statement tends to change as you grow and try new things but the underlying theme typically stays the same. Have fun with it and let me know what you come up with!

Align Your LIFE With Your Core Values

The next step is to map out your ultimate purpose and to begin implementing changes that help to align your daily life with your core values once you discover what they are and have a mission statement in place. Maybe the things you will implement is a  job change or volunteering somewhere. Maybe you will decide to move or downsize or start your own business. By making small changes in your life, you will start to see how much easier it is to make important life decisions. Becoming intentional about how you live your life will make a world of difference. Life is short. This is a perfect time to use the 3 steps to discover purpose in your life.

And there you go! If you decide to use these 3 steps, you will be making progress to be who God created you to be. And after all, is there anything more important than that?

 

By Laurie

Talking With Madison About Alopecia

life
June 30, 2021

My last post was about me going gray Really though, it was about Madison, my amazing niece who is dealing with Alopecia. She graciously agreed to answer a few questions I had and I’m very excited to share it here!

alopecia, baldness, auto immune, brave, teen girls with alopecia, beautiful with Alopecia, living bold with alopecia, living beautiful with Alopecia

I hope you learn a little about this issue, because it’s important. This is a real issue that affects young women mostly, and it’s hard to imagine going through this without knowledge and support. What I want you to see the most is how Madison has embraced this as an opportunity, and her heart to help others on their journey. I stand amazed with how Madison is handling it all.

https://notaperfectlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/Talking-With-Maddy.mp4

By Laurie

Going Gray Daily

life
June 24, 2021

I am going gray daily. I have been going gray for about twenty years now, but I kept choosing to cover it with whatever color my hairdresser recommended… every five weeks. We’re all going gray really. We’re just on different parts of the journey. Some may choose to continue to color till they leave this world. It’s a personal choice.

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I wrote about this going gray thing a few years ago. That post is called It’s Okay To Go Gray. There are helpful tips and articles I read while making the final decision to go natural like Going Gray Gracefully and I couldn’t help but follow Lisa Bevere on Insta with her going gray journey.

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I’ve always said I was going to go gray when I turned sixty. Sixty happened to me in January of 2020. I was wavering a bit once I hit the big 6 0, but I still had my eyes fixed on the goal. Then Covid hit and the world stopped.

A lot of women were sporting gray in various forms of the growing-out process during 2020. It seemed like a logical time to go gray because salons were closed, but I couldn’t make myself do it. It seemed like the choice to go gray was being taken from me or forced upon me because of the restrictions we had due to the virus. That was NOT what I wanted, so I kept the color going.

 

When I turned sixty-one a few months ago, I started seeing some more definite wrinkles on my face that I hadn’t noticed before. And then there were the straggly gray hairs that were slowly mixing in with my original colored eyebrows. I feel like no one told me about that little life event, but hey, I’m not bitter.

 

Turning sixty-one seemed like the perfect time to go gray. I was all in. Even when my very beautiful, trendy and fashionable hair dresser told me I was too young, I stuck to my guns and we did the thing, or rather we didn’t do it, because, y’all, I have a lot of gray hair coming through.

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But I got to tell you what finally helped me make up my mind. It was

Madison~ 

Madison is my beautiful, vibrant, intelligent, athletic, funny and talented niece. She tends to be on the quiet side but she makes her presence known when the need hits. This young woman is my hero in many ways, but this thing she is doing now, makes it even truer.

Madison is dealing with Alopecia, an auto immune,  issue. A few years ago she started experiencing small bald spots on her very full head of hair. Her parents took her to the medical professionals and they started treatment. Things seemed to be getting better. Her hair was growing back and all was right with the world.

Until it wasn’t.

At the end of 2020, Madison started showing up at family events looking as cute as ever, but she was never without a bandana or cap of some kind on her head. It seemed that Madison was losing her hair again, in greater quantities.

How hard that must have been as a parent, seeing your child go through something as traumatic as this, knowing there wasn’t a thing they could do.

How difficult is has to be as a seventeen year old high school girl to lose her hair, something most girls that age put a lot of stock in.

Madison is handling this so gracefully and with such maturity and wisdom.

At the beginning of the year she chose to shave her head.

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Madison has a huge support system around her. Not just her parents and other family members, but her friends too. So many of them showed up to be with her when she had her head shaved. One friend she has known since childhood chose to shave her head too.

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I continue to be amazed as I watch Madison not only make the best of something she never wanted to go through or didn’t ask for, but to see her embracing it and bringing more awareness to people about Alopecia, and hopefully more acceptance. And the coolest thing of all is that she is using this adverse circumstance in her life to help other woman dealing with this issue to not feel so alone and different.

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Madison is the reason I finally decided to go gray. I figured if she could do what she is doing, as well as she is doing it, then I, a sixty-one year old woman, could surely go gray.

alopecia, baldness, auto immune, brave, teen girls with alopecia, beautiful with Alopecia, living bold with alopecia, living beautiful with Alopecia

 

I have a different outlook about going gray now than I have ever had. My hair, no matter what color it is, does not define me, much the same as Madison. It’s just hair and mine will grow back.

Seeing Madison embrace something that would throw most young women into a downward spiral, has had an impact on me to a depth that she will never know.

She is also having an impact on others too, and I’m pretty sure she may never know the extent of that either.

I am going gray because for me, it is time. I am choosing to let the courage and grace that my niece is displaying have that influence on me as well.

I am excited to share a video of me talking with Madison about her journey in the next week or so!

 

Photo creds of the pics of me and my gray hair goes to my other beautiful niece, pictured with Madison and me.

 

 

 

By Laurie

Nothing More Than Feelings

life
September 7, 2019

My article How Ya Feeling? appeared in The Southeast Outlook, September 12th edition.

What is it with people and emotions? Why is it often difficult for many of us to get in touch with our feelings? I am excited about the sermon series How Ya Feeling? that ended last week at Southeast Christian Church. It’s time for Christians to become intentional about emotional wellness and the road less traveled to living a life of wholeness.

sea grass and sun shining through clouds on the ocean

I went to my first Christian counselor thirty years ago. It wasn’t something the general population did. Seeing a therapist back in those days was taboo. In fact, it was something you kept quiet. I’m pretty sure I didn’t tell many people at all. If I did, I would have prefaced it with some sort of valid reason or explanation why I felt the need to see a counselor. Otherwise folks would think I was crazy, a nut job or just plain whacked.

The church I attended during that time taught that Jesus was all we needed, and if we needed “outside” help, then we didn’t have enough faith in the work of the cross. I get what they were trying to say but it simply wasn’t true and there was a lot of shame surrounding that message.

Here’s the thing though, when I entered that counselor’s waiting room on two separate occasions, I ran into two other people from the church I attended. I made eye contact with each of these women I knew, but quickly looked away, as if to give them each the privacy they wanted and deserved. At a later time and place, we talked briefly about why we were there and how hard it was to deviate from the norm to go see a counselor in the first place. We were each experiencing things in our lives that we were ill equipped to handle on our own and were willing to take the risk to get the help we needed.

We’ve come a long way from looking down on those who seek the help of a professional. And that’s a good thing, but it seems like we have more work to do when it comes to supporting and encouraging those on the journey of becoming emotionally healthy.

It was God’s idea for us to be whole from the very beginning: 1 Thessalonians 5:23 NSV “May the God of peace himself make you holy in every way. And may your whole being—spirit, soul, and body—remain blameless when our Lord Jesus, the Messiah, appears”. And 3 John 1:2 says; “Beloved, I pray that in all respects you may prosper and be in good health, just as your soul prospers”. NASB

It would appear, according to these two verses, that God wants our souls well. He wants our entire beings healthy.

God created us with all our emotions. It is we humans who have designated emotions as being positive or negative. I get that most of us would rather be happy and full of joy all the time, instead of being angry and sullen. But here’s the thing…feelings are just feelings. They are fickle and they are fleeting. They can and do change without notice or fanfare. To acknowledge and perhaps talk with someone about our feelings or even journal about the things we are going through or dealing with, takes away the power of those “negative” feelings we experience and allows us to move on.

Why are we so afraid of our emotions? Why do we feel the need to change the reality of what we are going through, and alter the way we feel? The Bible clearly tells us to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen where we are to deny our feelings, pretend they don’t exist and stuff them deep inside with the hope of never having to deal with them.

Feelings, as temporary as they are designed to be, have an uncanny way of showing up in our lives at a later day and time, in the form of ailments and disorders. We bring a lot of stress and anxiety on ourselves because we don’t give proper place to our feelings at the time we experience them.

They tend to show up later in life, often gaining momentum, wielding more power over us than necessary and are sometimes exhibited in inappropriate ways; lashing out in anger, addictions and obsessions, and the inability to sustain meaningful relationships.

So how are you feeling, really? What are some of the emotions you so dislike you’d do anything to avoid dealing with them? Whatever they are, by avoiding and denying them, you are ultimately giving them more power and importance in your life than they merit.

Feelings are just feelings. They are neither right nor wrong. They are what they are, and they come when they come. You get to have a say in whether they become greater and more destructive by how you choose to deal with them.

I speak from experience. I’m a recovering feeling-avoider. Okay, I just made that term up, but still. By the grace of God, and with the help of the Holy Spirit who lives within me, I am now able to identify and acknowledge whatever it is that I feel these days, and to allow myself to feel it. I sometimes choose to share those feelings with a trusted friend or counselor if need be so I can move on.

I think it’s important to hear messages shared from the pulpits of our churches, like How Ya Feeling?, the six-part sermon series taught by Kyle Idleman and Matt Reagan. It helps give us God’s perspective and allows us to live lives of integrity and honor. When we choose to acknowledge our feelings, it allows us to come from a place of peace and assurance that we are who God created us to be. Not how we feel.

By Laurie

Anniversay Date

life
October 31, 2018

It has been three years ago today since my friend, Jan left this world to be reunited with her Heavenly Father, her dad and many other family and friends who left the world before she did. In so many ways it seems like Jan has been gone for a lot longer than three years, but in so many ways, it doesn’t.

She is loved and missed by many. In honor of the life she lived well, I am republishing the post I wrote a few days before she left us: Preparing To Leave.

Please look past the horrible picture of me and look at her smile as you read the words I wrote on the day she told me she was leaving this world.

gratitude, relationships, life coach, authentic you, true intimacy

my friend, a life well lived, preparing to leave, I miss my friend

By Laurie

Sleepless Nights

life
October 27, 2018

Something weird happened at work on Thursday. I was running on empty with just two hours of sleep as I began my daily routine. The first person I encountered told me she hadn’t slept well the night before either and she shared a few of the reasons why.

Sleeplessness, sleep, crazy world, prayer, hope, peace, Father

A little later I was talking with a co-worker on my team and he said he hadn’t slept at all the night before. Another co-worker had a conversation with a friend before bedtime and she couldn’t turn her thoughts off. They continued to run laps around in her brain leaving her with the inability to fall asleep.

What the heck?!

It was my turn to lead our prayer and devotion time for our team on Thursday. I didn’t have a clue what I was going to say, but then I received a text from a friend that filled me with hope and peace. I read those words for the devotion but not until after I took a poll. I asked each person in the room how they had slept Wednesday night. Six out of eight of us had not gotten ample sleep the night before and most of us didn’t know why.

The day before (Wednesday) a horrible shooting had taken place at a Kroger store in our community. It’s not a bad neighborhood. In fact, it’s a pretty safe middle-American place to live. But someone decided to end two lives in the hub of innocent people going about their day.

I wondered if that had given us all unrest even though the news is filled everyday with acts of violence, some random, some not. We’ve all become somewhat anesthetized to this occurrence, but perhaps on a subconscious level we are losing sleep due to the breakdown in society.

We took turns praying for one another that day. I listened as I waited to wrap up prayer time. These co-workers who prayed aloud could have gone on for awhile praying for the things they had agreed to pray for and adding to that list. As I listened, I thought about the thousands of other things we could each bring to the Father. I thought about the thousands of people outside those walls who had thousands of things they were praying about and thousands of things they weren’t.

And then it hit me as I continued to listen and wait my turn; each of my friends who had prayed wrapped their time up with thoughts and praise to the Father. He is our Hope and Peace.

Where else can we go? Who else can we turn to? Even though there are times that I cry out to the Father and ask Him if He sees all the senseless suffering, I always go back to Him. It seems my co-workers do as well.

Our help is in the name of the LORD, the MAKER of heaven and earth (Psalm 124:8.

Amen~

By Laurie

Life is Like a Drive-thru Lane

life
May 1, 2018

Early one Saturday morning I found myself in a position where an important decision needed to be made. I was in a drive-thru line at Chick-fil-A. It was my last chance to redeem the free Cow Calendar selection of the month!

Life, Chick-fil-A, choosing, choices, making life decisions, Jesus, God, Redeemer

Have you ever been in a double drive through lane? If so, then you know the crucial time when you must choose between lanes. The time a commitment must be made. If you’re like me, you don’t want to choose the wrong lane.

There was a car at each ordering station when I pulled into the drive-thru line, and there was one car just ahead of me. The car ahead was inching its way into Lane A, making the best decision with the limited information of who is ordering what in each of the cars in front, and how long it would take to place the order. As I was waiting my turn, pondering which way I should go, the decision was made for me and for that I was grateful. I really wasn’t prepared for such a weighty matter so early in the morning. The car in Lane B had just pulled away, leaving a wide-open slot for someone to pull up and order. I sat there for a few seconds giving the car ahead of me the chance to somehow maneuver into the open lane. It just wasn’t meant to be.

After I had placed my order, I pulled away, feeling sorry for the car that was once ahead of me who was now sadly behind me, still waiting to place her order.

She chose the wrong lane! And there was nothing she could do to redeem the situation.

She may have been okay with whatever lane she was in. It may not have mattered one bit. After all, it was a Saturday morning. Maybe she had some time to spare as she was running her morning errands. Or, maybe it was a really big deal. Perhaps she was in a bit of a time-crunch, rushing madly to grab her kid a quick bite to eat before the big game began.

I don’t know the circumstances of her life, or her day for that matter. I just know that I have been where she was. I have chosen the wrong lane myself.

And then it hit me! Sometimes we choose the wrong lane in life. Sometimes, we settle for what looks like the most logical choice, the most convenient; the lane that will bring about the fastest, easiest results that we eagerly long for.

Does it ever feel like you’ve chosen the wrong lane? Have you ever found yourself in a place where you know you chose the wrong lane, but it was years ago and now there is simply nothing to be done about it? The problem is, you can’t unchange the choice you opted for so long ago.

Sometimes life is like a drive-thru lane. The clock is ticking, or so it seems, and a decision needs to be made. Sometimes the consequences of that decision will not manifest until years down the road. There are times when it is too late to rethink a matter. The path you have chosen is the one you are on.

There are no do-overs in life, or at times, in a drive-thru lane. You stay the course and hope for the best. In life, unlike the drive-thru lane, there is a redemptive option. Jesus gave His life so we can live above the circumstances, even thrive in spite of the lane we have chosen. Jesus can take the messed-up things and give them purpose and meaning. Only God can turn something wrong into something very good.

And just in case you’re wondering, I paid for the woman behind me, who would have been in front of me, except she chose the wrong lane.

By Laurie

Those Childhood Friends

life
November 17, 2017

Why is it that we think we have way more time than we do? And what is it about those childhood friends?

It has been said that: “The memories of childhood stay with you for the long haul.” (The Wonder Years).

Mary Jo Putney said something similar: “What one loves in childhood stays in the heart forever.”

I concur.

life, friends, friends for life, life is short, a life well-live

We all have memories we carry in our hearts for life. We also have material things we keep from those long ago days of growing up. Perhaps a first baseball glove, an outstanding term paper written in high school, or a note passed in the hallway in between classes, from a best friend or love interest.

Material things fade and turn yellow, but the memories linger long.

I recently learned of the passing of a childhood friend. I haven’t had much contact with this friend since high school, so why do I feel so saddened by this news?

What is it about those childhood friends?

When I first heard that this friend was diagnosed with lung cancer just a few short weeks ago, and was given only months to live, well, that was a hard pill to swallow. It didn’t matter a bit that Dennis hasn’t been a regular part of my life for a few decades. The news brought sadness and grief.

I toyed with the idea of visiting him at home, where he spent his last days; or perhaps writing him a letter sharing with him some of my favorite memories. I wanted him to know that it mattered to me, that HE mattered to me, regardless of how long it’s been since we all hung out in those yesteryears of growing up.

It seems I waited too long.

I thought I had more time to decide exactly what I wanted to say, and if I wanted to say it in person or in writing.

I wish I would have made a decision and acted on it.

I didn’t.

Life carries with it a smattering of regrets.

I will attend the funeral and say my “Goodbyes” in the traditional way after death has occurred, but what I wouldn’t give for that one last chance for conversation.

Don’t get me wrong, I know this desire to connect is mostly for me. I know Dennis had family and friends he was close to and those are the ones he wanted around as he lived his last days.

But I wanted him to know that I remember. I wanted him to know WHAT I remembered of him and how the memories of those days I still carry with me, as vividly as if they were months ago. I had a desire to share with him how important that time in our past still is to me; playing kickball in the middle of the street, and football in the wide open field that became the hub of our childhood. And the teen years that followed, as we each tried to find our way through to become the adults we are today…those people I did  life with as a kid still matter.

I ponder now, as I recall all the things…is there someone else I need to connect with? Another day isn’t promised for any of us. Teach us, Lord, to number our days.

Maybe today is the day to reconnect with those who matter most… both presently in our lives and those from our childhood.

Because there’s just something about those childhood friends that we carry with us always~

 

 

By Laurie

Walking Home

life
October 26, 2017

I came across an intriguing quote today:

In the end, we’re all just walking each other home.

It gave me something to ponder as I began my morning routine.

This quote that I read was posted by a young woman who had just said her final good-bye to her mother who has courageously fought cancer for many years. This battled ended differently than the rest. This wife, mother, grandma and friend is now whole and at peace living in the presence of God.

At church this past weekend, Dave Stone delivered a message that encouraged us to seek wisdom from God. In the atrium of our church stands four double blackboards.

life, doing life together, we need each other, connection, connecting with people

On each board these words are written: Wisdom I’ve Learned. Buckets of chalk sit beside each board and dozens of people wrote words of wisdom on these boards; things they had learned through their journey in life.

life, doing life together, we need each other, connection, connecting with people

After pondering the above quote for awhile I too wrote on the blackboard: We’re just passing through. This is not our home.

life, doing life together, we need each other, connection, connecting with people

It seems like we often forget why we are here. I’m sure there are many different reasons and purposes, depending on who you ask and their personal beliefs.

I was reminded of something today by a fellow sojourner. He said God has placed us where we are. God knew the choices we would make and the situations we would encounter. He put us together with the people who are in our lives for a reason. Knowing the reason isn’t as important as how we choose to journey.

Two weeks ago Kyle Idleman encouraged us with the wisdom of these words: The incident, situation, circumstance, abuse, addiction, betrayal, divorce, job loss, etc. may not have been our responsibility, but we are responsible for how we respond.

Always.

We get to choose how to respond to whatever life throws our way.

God loves us that much.

He gave us the gift of choosing and responding.

The beauty of it all comes from the fact that we don’t have to go it alone. He also gave us the gift of people because in the end, we need each other.

That’s a gift too.

This is not our forever place.

And we don’t have to do life alone.

When those two things collide, it’s a beautiful thing.

The greatest gift of all…doing life together with a specific end and purpose because in the end,

We get to walk each other home~

 

By Laurie

Out of Chaos

life
July 8, 2017

I just finished reading Grace is Greater by Kyle Idleman. It took me several months to get through it and I typically devour books. I struggled often. Because of my struggles, I would put the book down and walk away, shaking my head.

Clearly Kyle had no idea.

Life is hard, life is difficult, Grace is Greater, Streams in the Desert

I remember hearing a wise person say: “Life is difficult”many moons ago. That was a profound statement to me.

I knew life was difficult. Trust me, I knew! I had experienced quite a few difficult situations in my life. I knew firsthand just how difficult life could be. How painful. How unmanageable.

But I thought it was just me. I thought I was doing something wrong. Anybody with me?

Kyle says the same thing at the end of his book, using different words.

“Life is hard”. Yep!

Then he said: “God is good”. And suddenly I’m struggling, trying to reconcile the two. And I’m no stranger to the things of God, but these things often collide in my world.

You see, I had been trying to make sense out of chaos. That simply doesn’t work. There is no sense to be made out of senseless events. But Kyle added: “Just keep reading”. Just keep trusting that the author of your story has a purpose for the pain, the situation, the events that have torn your life apart and turned your world upside-down.

The part that stinks? According to Kyle, sometimes we won’t know the purpose until after we leave this world.

That’s a hard pill to swallow.

And then I was reading something else that fits right in with what Kyle says in his book and it tied it all together for me. I read about the rocks on Pebble Beach, on the California coast. I read about the raging surf that pounds continuously against the rocks on the shore. The rocks are tossed, turned, rubbed, and ground over and over.

There is a purpose to this relentless pounding: Tourists flock from around the globe to add one of these uniquely crafted beauties to their collection. They are a work of divine art. But right up a bit, there is a cove where rocks abound.

NO. ONE. CARES.

Streams in the Desert says this about those rocks: “So why have these stones been left untouched through all the years? Simply because they have escaped all the turmoil and grinding of the waves. The quietness and peace have left them as they have always been–rough, unpolished, and devoid of beauty-for polish is the result of difficulties.” 

That bears repeating: POLISH IS THE RESULT OF DIFFICULTIES.

And did you catch that one part? The quietness and peace have left them as they have always been…

That doesn’t mean we should set up camp in the eye of the chaotic storm and never leave. It doesn’t mean to stay in dysfunction. But it does mean there is a purpose. When God is involved, there is ALWAYS a purpose. Quietness and peace serve a purpose too, but the beauty comes from the hard stuff.

Another fork in the road. Do I trust, even in the storms? Do I trust the process He has put into place for my life?

Do you?

It’s a choice. It always is~

To choose to trust the author of the story.

Out of the chaos.

By Laurie

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laurie
Hello, beautiful, courageous woman. Struggles and dysfunction don't have to define us - they can even drive us to create and live fuller lives. Let's journey together~
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