Life Coach For Wives Of Addicts
I had the honor of talking with my friend Megan a few days ago. She is a beautiful, brilliant and insightful woman, with just a little bit of life experience. I hope you listen and find things from our talk that help you with your journey.
So, I started a new thing; Talking With A Friend. I have conversations via Zoom with various people (Megan} {TyiaLynn} in hopes of bringing you hope and encouragement. God can do great things in ways we cannot even imagine.
This first conversation is with a co-worker, a young man who has been blessed with leadership abilities and God-given people skills. The next conversation, which I will post later, is with his mother Megan.
I am excited about this new venture. I have a growing list with people who have different stories or new adventures. I hope you will be blessed as you join in.
This first video is pretty bad camera skills on my part. Please excuse the look and just listen. I learned a little more by the second conversation.
Let me know what you think and how I can pray for you.
May 2, 2020 dawned bright and clear. The first Saturday in May has boasted the Kentucky Derby continuously since 1875. But not this year.
The Run for the Roses has been postponed until Saturday, September 5, 2020, one of two times the Kentucky Derby has been reschedule in the history of this horse racing tradition. The reason the Derby has been pushed back to the end of summer is, as you know, due to Covid 19.
Today was nearly perfect weather for a day at The Downs. The sky is a vivid blue, with a wispy white cloud appearing every now and then. The sun shining brightly with not a chance for rain. It’s a little windy, which would have affected those sometimes-over-the-top Derby hats, but record crowds would have attended this year, if not for the virus. The paddocks would have been bursting at the seams and the infield- a shoulder to shoulder sea of people.
How do I know this? Well, I was born and raised and continue to reside in Louisville, Kentucky. But here’s the thing, I’ve never attended the Derby. I used to go to the tracks with my best friend and her dad when I was a kid, but never the Kentucky Derby.
I actually have a love-hate relationship with this leg of the Triple Crown and all the activities leading up to the first Saturday in May. I have been to several annual events that precede the Derby. The Great Steamboat Race, the Pegasus Parade, the air show, and the biggest fireworks display in North America-Thunder Over Louisville- but never the race itself.
Over the years, I have attended Derby parties, which is a thing in Louisville, but more often than not, you can usually find me at home, working in the yard, or occasionally checking in on the festivities via whatever channel is covering the day at the races.
And usually at some point during the day, I feel a wave of loneliness and a sense of missing out. I get that I can always make plans to go if I wanted, but so far, I guess I haven’t wanted enough to do so. This year, not once have I had that old familiar feeling tugging on the inside. Nothing to miss out on.
Going to the Kentucky Derby is on my bucket list. It’s an easy scratch off, I know. Maybe I will attend one year, and squelch those feelings that come around the first Saturday in May.
But not this year.
I am a reader from way back. I still have some of the first books I owned as a child. One of my favorites was called Laurie and the Yellow Curtains. I’m sure you can guess why. I love the feel of a book in my hands. I love the illustrations of a good children’s book. I love everything about books.
I have my favorite authors. A few favorites who are gone now’: Phyllis Whitney, Victoria Holt and Dorothy Eden. Since they no longer write, at least not this side of heaven, I have moved on to writers who still produce books on a regular basis. I am drawn to simplistic tales of life, family and love. A few of my current favorite authors are: Kristy Cambron. I know her! We’re friends and we get to have about forty-five minutes every Saturday night before church. Kristy is the women’s ministry leader at Southeast Christian Church. She spins an excellent tale, beautifully weaving together a historical era in time with a particular person as the subject. I just finished The Illusionist before I start on her Castle Trilogy. If you don’t know her works you should totally check her out. Tell her I sent you!
Then there is an old favorite, Debbie Macomber. Truthfully I have been reading her since I was a young adult. We sort of grew up together. She has created towns and families who have become like friends. I had the amazing privilege of visiting her town where the series Cedar Cove was brought to life. I even had the distinct honor of having lunch with her in her very quaint restaurant and gift shop. I wrote about it here. If you’ve never read her and you like simple, quaint tales of life, Debbie knows how to bring that to life. She recently launched an online magazine.
Susan Wiggs is another favorite. I collect all of her books, along with Debbie Macomber’s, Luanne Rice books and…Nicolas Sparks, although his penchant for a death or sad ending has me a bit apprehensive but I continue to read because he pens a good tale.
Another on of my favs is Richard Paul Evans. That’s the reason for this blog post. I am reading his latest and last in his Broken Road Trilogy. I just finished chapter 15. I knew I needed to take a break and write before I read another word. This tale is about a man who walks along historic Route 66. I adore Route 66. I had the opportunity of making the trek from Saint Louis to Chicago, where is ends a few years back. Travelling Route 66 is a bit challenging these day because the road is closed in parts, overgrown and covered with an bigger better interstate. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for advancements in travel. I use interstates, but there’s just something about that golden area and the sights you see along the way. The stories they tell as they stand abandoned and empty for years. Whole towns dead because of the rerouting of that scenic and historic byway.
I wanted to share parts of chapter 15 with you. It’s about marriage, another thing that intrigues me for more reasons than I have time to go into in this post.
I’ll post it next time!
Today, Stevie, my younger brother by two years, would have been fifty-seven had he lived. He was eighteen years old when he died in a car accident. He lost control of the car he was driving and slammed into an old tree where he sustained a head injury.
It was the most shocking news I had ever received, that night Dad called to tell us he had died. But in all honesty, I wasn’t surprised in the least. It’s funny how those two things can co-exist. You see I had spent the better part of my teen years worried about Stevie; watching him spiral to a place of dependence on alcohol and drugs.
I had also spent the latter part of those years lying awake in bed at night, unable to go to sleep, fretting because of the sirens I heard in the distance, hoping and praying the reason had nothing to do with my younger brother. I found myself unable to fall asleep until I heard him come in the backdoor and make his way down the basement stairs where his bedroom was located. He had made it safely home once again. All was well and I could go to sleep.
All my memories about Stevie aren’t just of his addicted lifestyle during his teens. I have fond memories of him as well, memories of my younger, pesky little brother.
I was sandwiched in between two boys. My older brother was thirteen months older than me, but because of the dates of our births, he was two years ahead of me in school. Stevie was two years behind. We weren’t really close, my brothers and me, but we had that sibling bond going on, where I could say negative things about them, but you better not!
Stevie was a hot-head, hyper kind of kid. He was a good athlete and enjoyed playing ball- football, baseball, basketball, kickball…all the games, with his friends from our neighborhood and school. He liked to fish and hunt and he liked to climb trees; and he had a bit of a dare-devil spirit. He was also a gifted musician.
Our mother played piano and insisted my brothers and I take piano lessons during our elementary years. I eagerly looked forward to being in the sixth grade. That was when we each got to decide whether we wanted to continue with lessons or not. We all chose “Or not”. It’s not that I didn’t like playing piano, I just didn’t love it and I would rather have been doing something with my friends.
Stevie, however, had a gift. True musicians can’t Not play. They Have to play. They love playing. So, they play. Stevie went on to play the guitar, and later the bass guitar, because no one really wanted to play bass guitar. He could, so he did. No lessons were ever taken. He could simply pick an instrument up and play. He could sing as well, but I mostly remember him playing guitar.
It wasn’t uncommon for Stevie to be involved in an altercation of some kind or other. Like I said, he was a bit of a hot-head. He was stubborn and he liked to win. He was also funny, and caring. He had a special affection for cats, and that’s how we came to have a gray kitten named Tinker. I wasn’t very fond of Tinker, but that’s another story for another time.
I sometimes wonder what would have happened if Stevie had lived longer. Would he have gotten into recovery from his harmful choices? Would he have married? Had kids? Would we have continued to be friends as we aged?
Stevie was my little brother. He became my friend.
I miss him still, and think of him fondly, but never more than on this day.
Happy Birthday in heaven. You may be gone, but not forgotten.
Never forgotten.
I’ve been reading Don’t Give Up, the newest book by Kyle Idleman. It’s a good book, just like all of Kyle’s books. It’s a hard read…just like all of Kyle’s books. His books are written with such simplicity, yet profoundly deep. His books invite us to not just grasp what he is saying, but to go a step further, to lean in deeper in our relationship with Jesus. Don’t Give Up delivered that same message.
Don’t Give Up compels us to surrender to God, giving up our own will and ideas, and trusting Him with our lives- our troubles, our sicknesses and situations that leave us without hope.
Here’s the thing about all of Kyle Idleman’s books. I can’t just casually read through them. Don’t Give Up is the same, but worse. Worse not in a bad way, but in a way that makes me put the book down so I can meditate on what he is saying. I have to let things sink in. I have to digest what Kyle is saying in bite-sized pieces.
Every time I read a book by Kyle Idleman, it’s always the same. His writing is conversational, just like you’re sitting across a table from him, eating a bowl of Apple Jack’s, but the impact lingers.
Don’t Give Up is timely for me. It speaks to me in a very personal way.
I want to share part of a post I wrote when I first began to read Don’t Give Up:
Kyle Idleman has an uncanny way of writing a book that reads like your life. He has a way of putting into words exactly what is going on in your marriage, your family, your job… in your mind. And he dispels any misconceptions you may have with the Word of God.
Speaking of Abraham Kyle writes: “He’s holding on to God’s promise, and he keeps right on believing even when the story doesn’t make sense”.
I had to put the book down and walk away when I read that line: “When the story doesn’t make sense”.
Earlier, in the book Don’t Give Up, Kyle asks the reader a question. He asks if we have faith. He wrote, “Don’t just tell me you have faith. Tell me a story”. Because, he said in the book, faith always has a story.
I’m stuck here, really. I’m seriously talking to myself…out loud… ”You want me to tell you a story? A story of faith? Oh, I have a few but the one that comes most vividly to mind, is the one I’m living now. Even when the story doesn’t make sense.”
Are you living a story that doesn’t make sense? Are you believing God to do something mighty but you’re not even sure what that would look like? You’re not even sure how to pray? Because from EVERY human possibility, it looks impossible. Every way you play it out, it doesn’t make sense. There is no way to rewrite the story you are living. There is no way to spin it to make it fit, to make it okay, to make it right.
It looks hopeless.
It looks like it’s too late.
There’s nothing humanly possible to be done. And even if there was, you wouldn’t know it if you saw it because it truly is that unfathomable.
“Maybe this book isn’t for me” you might be saying. “Maybe that message, the one about not giving up, is for other people. Normal people with normal lives, normal marriages, normal families.”
When the story doesn’t make sense.
I kept hearing these words today while I was working…” But then God.”
And then I got home and once again began to read Don’t Give Up. That’s when I put these two statements together: He’s (Abraham) holding on to God’s promise, and he keeps right on believing even when the story doesn’t make sense” But then God.
Right there is where I choose to park. Right in between those two lines; “When the story doesn’t make sense”, and “But then God”. Right smack in the middle.
And maybe that’s all any of us can do when we are living a story that doesn’t make sense.
That takes faith. Even if you don’t know what you are believing God for.
When the story doesn’t make sense, but then God.
Don’t Give Up is all about hope in God. Hope for a future that is better than the situation you find yourself in at any given moment.
Don’t Give Up is about holding on to God and doing the next thing while you wait, pray, trust. If you find yourself in a life-crushing situation, grab a copy of Don’t Give Up and let it feed your faith. Let it give you hope.
Just don’t give up.
Some days are harder than others. I get that we each have our cross to bear, but sometimes I want to trade with someone! I know that is a ridiculous desire. I don’t know what you are dealing with or the things you are walking through. For all I know, the things you are experiencing are far worse than anything I can imagine.
We only get to know about each other, what we want each other to know.
In my early morning feelings of loneliness and despair, I picked up Don’t Give Up, the newest book by Kyle Idleman, and continued reading. I am happy to announce that I have read more than just a few pages before I felt the need to stop and ponder, which usually leads to a blog post.
Here’s what I read under Choose to Overcome, in Chapter 3- Keep Perspective. Kyle wrote; “Instead of feeling like a victim, we choose to use what’s happened to us as a springboard propelling us to greatness.
Sound overly optimistic? A little too Tony Robbins for you?
It’s not. This is the power of God in your life. Paul reminds us in Ephesians 1:19-20 that the same power that brought Jesus back is available to us. The power that overcame death can help us overcome our circumstances. Our confidence to overcome is not a confidence in ourselves, but in the Holy Spirit, who is in us.
The truth is, life is difficult for everyone. Some choose to be defeated. Others choose to overcome. Interestingly, it’s often the people who have faced the most difficulty who succeed the most wildly.”
And just like that, I’m praying (again); “God use the circumstances of my life, the most painful ones- those I would rather not take out and look at, use those, Lord, to help someone find You”.
I shared a post yesterday from my friend Trevor, from Bunker HQ, He inspires me with his words. He inspires me with his wisdom and simple faith in God.
Are you going through something you’d rather not? Are you struggling with the “Whys” and “What ifs”? Read Trevor’s post and considering reading Don’t Give Up. It could change the way you view your situation, which could change the way you respond and react. If you change the way you think, you could change the world! One person at a time.
#DontGiveUp
This article first appeared in The Southeast Outlook.
Isn’t it amazing how God always seems to meet us right where we are? He can take something we hear or read, or even a few words from a conversation and cause it to speak to us personally, just when we need it most.
The dawning of a new year is like a clean slate, renewing our hope in the unspoken promise of a better marriage, a more connected family or a healthier lifestyle. A new year beckons us to leave the past behind and set our sights on all the things that could lead to a more fulfilling life.
The last few months of 2018 I began a journey that has carried over into this new year. I started down the path of grieving; grieving for people and relationships lost, for things that didn’t turn out quite the way I had planned, and for any other loss that may have occurred which I neglected to grieve properly.
The purpose of grief is to allow us to work through our feelings, thoughts and memories associated with the many changes and losses that naturally occur while doing life. The goal and intention of grieving well is a healthier life – emotionally, relationally and spiritually through Christ, who gifted us with the ability to grieve when life gets messy.
It appears that we have forgotten how to grieve as a society. We have overlooked the importance of grieving well. It probably wasn’t intentional. It just sort of happened because hey, we are busy! But maybe more importantly, we don’t like to feel the pain that loss or change can bring. We don’t like the feelings of sadness or loneliness or anger. We seem to have forgotten that God created us to experience all our emotions. Even the ones we don’t want to feel, the ones we sometimes avoid at all costs. Grieving takes time and attention.
I believe that God has brought me to the awareness of my need to grieve, but I don’t think I’m the only one! While telling friends about this process that I am going through, I am realizing that many of the people I talk with are uncomfortable with grief – mine and theirs. Don’t get me wrong! It’s not like I’m walking around in sackcloth and ashes. When the subject comes up naturally, I sense the uneasiness because of the topic. Maybe they don’t fully understand why we need to grieve. Many don’t. Whatever the reasons may be, we have become a society that avoids grief and pain.
God longs for us to find restoration, freedom and wholeness that only He can bring, oftentimes through grieving, but not just for our own well-being, so we can be vessels of love and hope. So that we can help bring restoration to others, by sharing our stories and pointing them to the only One who can provide complete wholeness.
The sermon series at Southeast Christian Church, After Further Review, delivered by Senior Pastor Dave Stone, and Teaching Pastor Kyle Idleman, came just when I needed it. This series has helped me to see that God is in my grieving. That He is with me as I grieve, and He brought me to this place in life in order to get me to the next – whole, healed and fully engaged.
Listening to Kyle give an overview of the Beatitudes in the first sermon, First + 10, caused me to reflect on all the struggles I encountered in 2018. I remembered too, the struggles of others that seemed so overwhelming. The three keys that Kyle called “Jesus’ Vision for Your Life” are so very relevant in all areas, especially when things become difficult and spiral out of control.
Those keys are:
I can’t.
You can.
God, help me.
What if we came to the realization that we can’t do this on our own, every time our journeys take an unexpected downward turn? We have the promise that He will never leave us. Joshua 1:5 tells us – No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.
God desires to hear those three little words, “God, help me” acknowledging that when we are weak, He is strong. He doesn’t need to hear them in order to work on our behalf. He knows that we need to say them, to put our trust in Him.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted (Matthew 5:4) Dave illustrated this on a ladder no less, as the steps to finding joy in Christ. When we grieve, God is there, giving us the comfort we need to heal in order to experience His joy.
The Beatitudes don’t quite fit in today’s culture. However, we’ve all heard story after story of those who have found restoration and redemption during complete brokenness, coming face to face with the fact that they couldn’t fix the situation on their own. It is through failure and disappointments that we can begin to clearly see that in our weakness, He is strong. It is often during the most painful times of life, that we come to know with assurance that God can. And not only can He, but He has been there all along, waiting for us to ask for His help.
I can’t. Truly, I can’t do this on my own. He can though! We see it again and again, in His word, and in real-life situations all around us. “God, help me” sometimes a desperate whisper on the lips of those who have experienced total defeat is all it takes to witness the life-changing power of God’s eternal love.
Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven (Matthew 5:3). The poor in spirit- brokenness, messiness, and without hope. Brokenness proceeds wholeness. We can only be strong when we admit our weaknesses and allow Jesus to be the one who is strong in us, for us, and through us.
Those three simple keys can make all the difference.
I can’t.
You can.
God, help me.
I have a new favorite author! Her name is Kristy Cambron. Here’s the really cool part, though. I know her. As in, she’s my (new) friend. And, not only is she my friend, but she is the new women’s ministry leader at Southeast Christian Church, which is the church I attend. How exciting is that?
She a beautiful woman, inside and out. One day, while we were having coffee, except neither of us were actually drinking coffee, I asked her about her books. She is very humble about this gift of writing God has blessed her with. I asked her which book I should start with. I seriously wanted to know! I love to read. I love words. I WANTED to read her work. Her answer? “You don’t have to read any of my books.”
Later that evening I Googled her books, trying to decide where to start! She has a few. I wanted to read the first one in a particular series, so I sent her an email asking her what book I should order. Her response? “You don’t have to read any of my books.”
I get that she was telling me that we would still be friends whether I ever read a book she has written. What a special woman she is.
I ordered The Butterfly and the Violin. I was immediately caught up in the story line and looked forward to ending my day curled up with her book. I savored the vivid characters who literally came alive as I continued to read each chapter. I was enthralled with how she strung certain phrases together to create a mood, a feeling that connected me with the events taking place on the pages as I read.
The book was good, y’all! I ordered the next in the series in hopes that it would arrive before I finished The Butterfly and the Violin. It didn’t, but that’s okay. It should arrive Thursday!
Kristy Cambron’s newest book, Castle on the Rise, the second in this series, was just released today. I will be reading it soon! But first, I must read The Lost Castle!
If you like historical fiction by a really good author, get Kristy’s books! All of them.
I have a new favorite author. I hope she becomes yours too!
You’re welcome!
Have you ever heard the phrase God is in the details? Usually when this phrase is used, the person speaking is referring to the details of your life.
God is in the details of your life.
What does that mean exactly? The Bible tells us that He knows the number of hairs on our heads. He knows our thoughts and the number of our days. He is intimately involved in every detail of our lives. But what about the details that we haven’t planned or those we aren’t particularly fond of?
Is He in those too?
I once asked a older, wiser gentleman if God was always in control of everything that happens, or do people sometimes get in the way. He said, “Yes”.
I concur. Sometimes I don’t get it and I don’t like it. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one. Things don’t always work out the way we plan. Hey, they don’t always work out the way we like but God is in the details. Sometimes you just have to dig a little deeper to see.
When you find yourself in that place, lean into his grace and receive what He has for you.