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I had the honor of talking with my friend Megan a few days ago. She is a beautiful, brilliant and insightful woman, with just a little bit of life experience. I hope you listen and find things from our talk that help you with your journey.
So, I started a new thing; Talking With A Friend. I have conversations via Zoom with various people (Megan} {TyiaLynn} in hopes of bringing you hope and encouragement. God can do great things in ways we cannot even imagine.
This first conversation is with a co-worker, a young man who has been blessed with leadership abilities and God-given people skills. The next conversation, which I will post later, is with his mother Megan.
I am excited about this new venture. I have a growing list with people who have different stories or new adventures. I hope you will be blessed as you join in.
This first video is pretty bad camera skills on my part. Please excuse the look and just listen. I learned a little more by the second conversation.
Let me know what you think and how I can pray for you.
Have you ever been betrayed? If so, then you know up close and personal the emotional suffering that goes along with betrayal.
I recently read a book called Beyond Betrayal by Phil Waldrep. I just stumbled upon this book and it’s author quite by accident, but not really, because I’m pretty sure God had some things for me to glean from this book.
Phil Waldrep tells about a painful part of his story involving betrayal. He gets the point across that it doesn’t matter if the betrayal came about because of a friend, a spouse, a business partner or another family member. The act of being betrayed, no matter the circumstances, leaves one feeling the same gamut of emotions, no matter who was involved. Each individual will experience those emotions differently, but a commonality still remains.
This book is a good read, especially if you were betrayed by someone close and you are having a hard time processing and moving on. The words in this book give you permission to be okay with exactly where you are, knowing that exactly where you are right now, won’t be the place you will land when the processing dust settles.
This book helps you to see that it’s okay to be where you are for as long as you need to be there, knowing that you are not alone. Many people have walked this road before you, but most importantly, you don’t have to go through this probing, sometimes gut-wrenching ordeal alone.
This book helps you invite God into the healing process as you journey on. Beyond Betrayal sheds new light on an old problem leaving the reader feeling hopeful, no matter how devastated the betrayal left them.
If you are looking for help in dealing with the heartache that betrayal has caused, then I highly recommend this book.
If you have experienced betrayal and would like to talk about it, please reach out. We can make that happen. Or if you would like me to pray for/with you, I would be honored to do so
Disclosure: This post contains an affiliate link. If you purchase the book from the link provided here, I will receive a commission.
Mother’s Day 2020. I was remembering just yesterday my very first Mother’s Day in 1990. I was pregnant with my first child. After ten years of marriage I was finally pregnant and grateful beyond words.
We had gathered with my parents and my youngest brother after church to go to lunch. I remember as we were leaving the restaurant, the wait staff handing my mother a rose, and then they handed one to me. I was a little surprised. I wasn’t a mother yet, I thought, as I mumbled something to that effect, I was only expecting. I was assured by those around me that yes, I was a mother, and this was indeed my first Mother’s Day.
It did not seem right to me at the time, thinking that I hadn’t earned the right to that title. I hadn’t put in the sleepless nights while tending to a newborn or nursing a sick child. I hadn’t worried over the hurt feelings of a child who had been left out of a game or a party. I hadn’t spent any nights as of yet, pretending to sleep until I heard my teenager come in from a night out. I hadn’t done any of those things, and yet, I was a mother.
And then I thought of all those women who longed so desperately to become a mother and it never manifested as the years rolled by and the clock ticked on. I had been there myself for those ten long years full of heartache and dreams. And that’s when I knew that being a mother wasn’t about putting in the time or bringing a baby into the world. It was more about pouring into the life of a child regardless if you were the birth mother, a relative or someone who chose to love a child just because.
I was a part of a prayer group on Friday via Zoom of course, and one of the participants prayed a prayer over mothers-all women really, whether they were ever pregnant or gave birth to a child. The words spoken resonated as I remembered…
It may or may not take a village to raise a child, but it does take a willing heart, an open mind and a decision to love as a mother does–with her whole heart.
May 2, 2020 dawned bright and clear. The first Saturday in May has boasted the Kentucky Derby continuously since 1875. But not this year.
The Run for the Roses has been postponed until Saturday, September 5, 2020, one of two times the Kentucky Derby has been reschedule in the history of this horse racing tradition. The reason the Derby has been pushed back to the end of summer is, as you know, due to Covid 19.
Today was nearly perfect weather for a day at The Downs. The sky is a vivid blue, with a wispy white cloud appearing every now and then. The sun shining brightly with not a chance for rain. It’s a little windy, which would have affected those sometimes-over-the-top Derby hats, but record crowds would have attended this year, if not for the virus. The paddocks would have been bursting at the seams and the infield- a shoulder to shoulder sea of people.
How do I know this? Well, I was born and raised and continue to reside in Louisville, Kentucky. But here’s the thing, I’ve never attended the Derby. I used to go to the tracks with my best friend and her dad when I was a kid, but never the Kentucky Derby.
I actually have a love-hate relationship with this leg of the Triple Crown and all the activities leading up to the first Saturday in May. I have been to several annual events that precede the Derby. The Great Steamboat Race, the Pegasus Parade, the air show, and the biggest fireworks display in North America-Thunder Over Louisville- but never the race itself.
Over the years, I have attended Derby parties, which is a thing in Louisville, but more often than not, you can usually find me at home, working in the yard, or occasionally checking in on the festivities via whatever channel is covering the day at the races.
And usually at some point during the day, I feel a wave of loneliness and a sense of missing out. I get that I can always make plans to go if I wanted, but so far, I guess I haven’t wanted enough to do so. This year, not once have I had that old familiar feeling tugging on the inside. Nothing to miss out on.
Going to the Kentucky Derby is on my bucket list. It’s an easy scratch off, I know. Maybe I will attend one year, and squelch those feelings that come around the first Saturday in May.
But not this year.
“I don’t know if he has what it takes to restore the trust or to repair the brokenness of our marriage”, said the distraught woman sitting beside me. I found myself leaning in just a little more because it seemed like she was on the verge of a break-through.
I was sitting with this new friend of mine, while she spoke of her troubled marriage. She continued telling me the things that were in her heart, “I think he wants to save the marriage and bring restoration to our family. I think his intentions are good, but I don’t know if it’s a part of who he is right now. He has to become completely devoted to God in order to bring about the healing that only He can bring. It’s just that it’s going to take a special person to be able to hang in there and repair the damage, the devastation that has been done to me and our marriage. It’s like he’s forgotten about my pain in his quest to get well, and to alleviate his shame.”
She was being brutally open and honest. She seemed willing to allow God to do whatever He wanted to do in their marriage…in her heart, really. She kept on talking.
“It would take a selfless person to be all in. It calls for a man who is willing to put his wife’s needs above his own. A man who is able to let go of his right to be offended. Truthfully, none of us have that right as Christ followers. It takes letting go of your right to be anything except giving, loving and always there, always present no matter how long it takes or how painful it may be for him to hear, knowing that it was way more painful for me to live.”
She’s right, it does take a special kind of man. With all the affairs and betrayal in our sex-focused society I’m pretty sure she’s not the only one who is facing this heart-wrenching situation. This woman who sat before me pouring her heart out is shattered because of the betrayal that she has experienced in her marriage, by the one person she trusted most.
Coming to grips with the fact that this man isn’t the person she thought she had married, and all the lies. What does it all mean, this life they had built together? What does any of it mean? What does intimacy mean now? What do all the years mean if he wasn’t fully present because he was so wrapped up in his “needs”?
I sat in silence as I listened to her pour our her heart. It will take a lot of pouring out in order for complete healing to manifest. Healing has started, but every time her husband chooses to go with his feelings instead of tending to hers is a wasted opportunity for him to help in the healing process. Every time he doesn’t follow through on even the most mundane thing that needs to be done, is a chance not taken to help build trust.
I don’t know the answer to this woman’s dilemma, or all the other women who find themselves in her shoes. It’s going to be a hard road. It might even be easier on the man to take the usual way out, to start all over with someone new. But is that what God wants?
Ultimately, what God wants is all that really matters. And if her husband is who she thought he was when they first married, he will rise to the task at hand and allow God to work the healing she needs through his words, actions and deeds.
The pastor of our church started a three part series on marriage this weekend. It was a good service, but I left feeling frustrated, as I often do, when the topic is marriage.
Don’t get me wrong, what Kyle had to say was good. It was right on the money, however, the message was for the general populace. He didn’t talk about those who are married to repeat adulterers, or addicts or alcoholics. To his credit, he DID address the issue of abuse, and encouraged women who are being abused emotionally and verbally, to leave. He spoke strong words to women who are being physically abused and told them to leave in order to keep themselves and their children safe. He assured them the abuse wasn’t their fault and they couldn’t fix their husbands. He offered the help of our church if these women were too afraid to speak out about the hidden lives their were enduring. Well said, Kyle.
My fear and frustration comes from a feeling that there is danger in this kind of message. My concern is that these women who live in exceptional circumstances like that of repeated adultery, alcoholism, and drug and porn addiction, may hear his words and think they just need to have more compassion and be more loving and forgiving.
Kyle gave a fitting illustration, at one point in the message, that the woman needs to give the husband a drink of water when he is in need of one, and to stop making excuses. Then he made the statement (that he accredited to his wife) that the man is drinking from her glass and if her glass is empty, she can’t give him a drink. It’s his job to pour into her glass.
Here’s the thing…it’s not just about the glass being empty or full. In truth, in those situations, it’s about the well and it’s source.
Sometimes the well is in dire need of repair. There is no water in the glass, but way worse than that is the fact that the well is dry. There is no water to give. None for the glass, and none in the well. Even if, by some fluke or happenstance, water somehow finds its way into the well, there are too many cracks and holes for the well to contain the water. In fact, the water will simply run right through the well and seep out all those cracks and holes. Adultery, porn addiction and drug and alcohol abuse eat away at the very interior of the well so much so that the well has to be repaired because there is so much damage.
And sometimes, repairing the well isn’t even possible. Sometimes what really needs to take place is digging a whole new well. Painstakingly and intentionally digging a well because the old one is beyond repair.
In the meantime, the woman may need to take refuge in a safe environment where the water runs pure and clean, because it’s not her job to dig the new well. It’s her job to care for the full glass and give water willingly and lovingly to her husband as the need arises.
I’m not saying that the woman should go and find a new man who has a decent well. She needs to find trusted friends and family who will let her drink from their well as she recovers. She needs to watch and prayerfully wait to see what her husband will do, because maintaining the well is HIS job.
You get that this is a metaphor, right? Ladies, don’t do your husband’s job for him by taking charge of the well. That’s called enabling. Instead, get out of the way. The state of the well is between God and your husband. You can’t fix the well. You didn’t destroy the well.
You can pray.
And you can allow God to work in your heart those things He wants to do…while you watch and wait to see what He desires to do in your marriage, if your husband is willing to take his responsibility to heart and dig a new well.
The man is the head of the home, which means that ultimately he will give an account for the well and how it was (or wasn’t) cared for.
You will answer to God too, on how you tended the glass full of water.
If you are a woman experiencing any of these scenarios, please reach out to someone who will walk with you. If you would like me to pray with or for you, leave a comment or send me an email. You are not alone~
February is the month my dad would have turned 82.With his birthday approaching I am in a state of reflecting.
It’s been about 2 months since my dad left this world. I miss my dad. It’s different, though, the way I grieve him. Dad led a good life, so, even though I do miss him, I am grateful at the same time.
As I’ve mentioned before, my dad was a good man. He was a man of honor and integrity; a man of his word. A man who loved God and his family.
My dad held firm to traditional values when it came to those things. Maybe it’s because of his age? I’m not sure but, when I think of my dad’s character I wonder where have all the good guys gone?
They’re still around, I know. I see them where I work, which is where I attend church. I watch them closely, especially the younger guys. It catches my attention when I see a young husband cherishing his wife and children. It catches my attention when I see that his relationship with Jesus the most important relationship in his life. I watch him as he cultivates that relationship and makes sure he does nothing to jeopardize his walk with Christ.
It naturally follows that his relationship with his wife is next in line of importance. As long as he values his relationship with the Father, then he will remain committed to his wife and do nothing to jeopardize that relationship either, because to do so would be grievous toward God and would affect that relationship. A wise man knows this is true.
When I watch this young husband, I see a man who knows his children are the greatest gifts on Earth. To cherish his relationship with God first, and his wife second, it naturally follows that he would cherish his relationship with his children and do nothing to jeopardize those either. It’s all about family and God.
Where have all the good guys gone?
They’re still here. Granted they may be few and far between but, where I sit, they are alive and well.
I see couples who genuinely and honestly love each other because they genuinely, honestly and purposely follow Jesus. You can’t really have one without the other. Because not to have a relationship with Jesus as the most important relationship in your life makes the relationship with your wife subject to things outside. Things that come unexpectedly. Things that may tempt, things that look exciting and fun, things that may promise happiness but they are false, empty promises, unable to fulfill or last.
Where have all the good guys gone?
They’re still here, full of honor and integrity, just like my dad. So, I speak to the young woman who feels so alone because all your friends are part of a couple. They’re married and having babies. You’re tempted to settle.
Don’t! Do. Not. Settle. Though it may be hard, wait for the man whose relationship with God is the most important relationship that he will ever have. If you do, then you, will have a good life too, a good marriage. Not a perfect one but one that will stand the test of time.
This is not our forever home. Keep your eyes focused on your Everlasting home and allow God to bring a good guy to you.
It’ll save you a lot of heartache and you won’t have to wonder where all the good guys have gone. You will be married to one.
I was raised in a church that talked about sowing and reaping, a law of nature instituted and created by God. Galatians 6:7 Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.
It’s easy, they say. A farmer sows corn kernels, placing them carefully in the ground according to the determined depth and the optimal amount of space between each seed, covering them gently, yet firmly patting the soil over top. Then the farmer lets nature do it’s work. Sun and rain mixed with the passing of time will produce a crop of corn unless some unplanned, unforeseen event takes place. That’s the law of sowing and reaping.
Sowing and reaping carries over into the spiritual world as well. It’s a God-given statute; what a person sows they will reap the harvest thereof, in life, in relationships, in business.
I recently heard good message. Although the message wasn’t about sowing and reaping per se, the pastor did touch on the subject. I thought I knew what to expect and where he was going.
He said that some people who were listening to him speak feared this sowing and reaping concept. Those people had sown bad seeds of hatred, greed, lust and selfishness. Hearing that they would reap those things they had sown wasn’t a pleasant thought. In fact, it was rather scary.
Then he said that there are others who were putting their hope in this law of nature because they had sown seeds of kindness, love, hope and goodness. Therefore, those people had hope in the harvest that was to come.
I sat there waiting for the next option, wondering what he would say. I had never really thought about sowing and reaping in this way before so I was anxious to hear what more he had to say. Because I knew that there had to be more to it.
He didn’t say another thing about it.
I was frustrated, wondering about the people who had sown good things, faithfulness, trustworthiness, honesty, integrity and love, yet the harvest they reaped wasn’t any of those things. What about those people? They don’t fit into either of those categories, so what about them? It’s not as black and white as the choices he laid out. It’s simply not that cut and dry.
Here’s what I came up with, left to my own devices, although I did talk with a couple of people about it. When a farmer sows the seeds and begins to see those plants poke through the ground, he also sees weeds as well. In fact, there are usually a lot of weeds that come up naturally, seeds the farmer didn’t sow. That’s another law of nature. It’s not fair. It doesn’t seem right but it happens just the same.
That’s the other category. We can’t forget that there are weeds that we reap even though we didn’t plant them. We put good seeds in the ground but sometimes we get weeds…a lot of weeds.
My conclusion is that perhaps the harvest we have sown won’t even be realized in this life. Maybe some of the seeds we sow today will not be reaped until we leave this world. Maybe we are sowing a crop for the life that comes next, the one we spend eternally in the presence of the Father and His Son, Jesus.
Whatever the case may be, sowing good seeds is important even if we don’t reap the things we thought we would see in this lifetime. Keep sowing good seeds and in due time, you will reap the harvest.
Today is my last day of being 59 years old. I guess it’s only natural that I am feeling nostalgic. But I’m also feeling sad and a little lonely. This is the first birthday without my dad.
Don’t get me wrong! I know how blessed I am to have had my dad with me for so many years. A lot of people aren’t nearly as fortunate as I in that, and, I have a bonus…my dad was a good and honorable man who loved God with his whole heart.
I can’t help but to reflect over the past years of my life when Dad was still with us. It has been over four weeks since my dad had a stroke, which set into motion the beginning of his last few days on earth. Three weeks since his spirit left his body to join our Heavenly Father, where Dad will live eternally with Jesus, and with all of his loved ones who have gone before him.
Most days, I am at peace because I know that’s where my dad is. Most days, I am grateful that my dad left while he was in relatively good health and sound mind, and I am grateful today, but still…today, on this last day of my 50s, I miss my dad.
He wasn’t a perfect man nor a perfect dad. He knew that too, because there is only One who is perfect, Jesus. My dad and I weren’t super close as I was growing up. It was after I became an adult that things changed. Was it me? Maybe that’s just the way it was supposed to be for us.
Today, I miss how my dad’s eyes would light up just a little bit when he saw me. I miss how he would tell me I was pretty. I miss his voice and his laugh. I miss his hugs and his “Love you” as I was leaving or hanging up the phone. Today, I miss my dad.
There will be more days like these, I’m sure. But for today, I’m going to miss him as I pass from the decade of my 50s into the next. After that, I will go back to being at peace knowing where my dad is, and that I will see him again one day. Until I miss him again. Then I will cry some more due to the pain of the loss of my dad. That is the cycle of grief.
I will rest in His assurance all the while, because I know that this is not my forever home. It was never meant to be, not since the Garden of Eden. From the first breath that we take, we grow closer to our last. Our days are numbered. Some people have more than others but we’re all headed to the end of life on Earth. I want to keep the end game in mind.
As I am turning 60 years old, I will embrace the fact, knowing that I am a day closer, a year or an hour, to the final days of my life in this world. I will use this time wisely. I will keep the end in mind as I conduct my life the way my Heavenly Father has instructed me to live. I will work toward that goal with how I treat others who God has placed in my life.
Relationships matter most. We will be held accountable for how we treated those God put in our lives once we take our final breath.
I’m pretty sure my dad heard those words I long to hear when I finally make it home…”Well done My good and faithful servant. Enter into the joy of the Lord” (Matthew 25:23).
For you my friend who is reading these words right this very minute, I pray you feel His presence and to know you are loved with a fierce, never-ending love of an eternal, heavenly Father. Help them, Lord, to realize with an understanding they have never quite grasped before, that we are all headed in the same direction. Some of us will get there sooner than others. Help them long to hear those words too, Lord, once they leave this temporary place. ‘Well done, My child. Well done.”