“Somehow I keep hoping that someone else might learn through my mistakes and not their own.” (Beth Moore, Praying God’s Word) OMG!!! This is so me! I am compelled to tell my story, to relate my experience in hopes of helping just one lost, lonely soul who feels utterly and completely alone.
That is why I blog. That is why I write about the very real, very personal parts of this journey I am on. I am called upon to do so, burdened perhaps, though that seems too strong a word, so I’ll stick with compelled. I am compelled to share my story, even if no one is listening…I will do my part.
And perhaps, if I am previlledged, I will play some small part in helping someone along the way.
I know how it feels to have something so big in your life, that it steals your focus and causes you to lose all joy and even purpose for life. It can overpower you, controll you, master you. I have been in such a place of despair. It is a thief that sucks the life out of you. I was caught in the grip of despair over my losses…and if I am honest with you, with myself I believe unforgiveness has been a constant companion for many years. I wasn’t aware of this. And no matter how hard I tried, how much I prayed or how many times I decided to “let go and let God”…it just didn’t happen. It had attached itself to me really without my realizing it.
I heard a sermon over the weekend that along with unforgiveness (which I didn’t know I had) pride is like a sidekick. Oh great! Something else to deal with that I never in a thousand years would say was a part of me. I can see now how they go hand in hand.
So here I am…with all these things that no one really wants to admit to or own. I don’t. But if I am honest, and what would be the point to not be, then this is where I am and from this point I will continue to allow, invite, in fact, God to take these things from me and do what He does best, redeem and renew.