Have you ever heard the term date yourself? Yeah, me either, until a few days ago. But then again, maybe I have, because the concept is the same as self-care.
So how do you date yourself?
Why would you even want to date yourself?
It was explained to me by a women, friend and counselor who found herself in the middle of a dysfunctional marriage about twenty-five years ago. She had been in the marriage when the reality of the situation hit her smack in the face.
Funny how reality has a way of getting redefined when we are called upon to make changes we don’t want to make.
She told me she actually filed for a divorce four different times! Her husband kept “changing” and she really didn’t have firm boundaries or a support system in place to assist her in making this difficult decision based on what was best for her, the marriage and ultimately her husband.
The divorce became final after the fourth time she filed and that’s when her date yourself plan was put into place. She was young when she got married that first time. She was young when she divorced, and like many young women who have codependent personally traits, she didn’t know who she really was.
The date yourself plan was a way to find out what she liked, didn’t like and who she was deep down, not who she could become depending on the people she was close to at the time.
She told me she went into a Baskin Robbins ice cream parlor. She asked the employee how much it would cost to taste all 32 flavors…well, make that 31. She really didn’t want to try bubble gum. The girl who was working obliged and they actually had a really good time since the store wasn’t busy.
When the employee asked her why she wanted to try every flavor she responded that she was newly divorced and trying to find out who she was. “I am dating myself”, she explained.
She then decided to go to see a movie all by herself. She even bought some popcorn and a drink! She did that a few times trying to discover what she really liked in a movie.
The last thing on her list was to go to an upscale restaurant by herself. She made a reservation, picked up a favorite magazine and even asked to be seated in the middle of the room instead of the quiet corner the hostess had first led her to.
I think her plan to date herself worked out for the best. Many of her friends thought it kind of a strange thing to do, especially when she told them she wasn’t dating (men) for at least a year.
My friend has now been married to a wonderful man for twenty years. She couldn’t be happier, she delights in telling everyone.
Her plan to date herself definitely worked for her.
Would you consider dating yourself? What are some things you would choose to do?