Halloween Tales

Oh Halloween…so many tales. I have a few. Allow me to recite them here, if you will.

My first story occurred when I was in elementary school. My best friend and I always spent months and months trying to come up with the perfect costume, the one to top all others. One year I think we did just that.

We decided to be a two-headed lady. My grandmother was a large woman. She wore dresses every day so I asked her if she had an old one she no longer wore and was willing to donate to the cause. She graciously agreed.

Though it was a great idea for a costume, it did have it’s issues. It was a bit cumbersome for two of us to walk around in one dress. We had to make a ton of effort to work together. We were getting close to the end of our trick or treating trek and we felt as if we hadn’t gotten quite the amount of candy we wanted or deserved.

The last house we walked up to had a bowl of candy sitting on the porch, with the famous and most ridiculous hand printed sign alongside the bowl that said, “Please Take One”. We did what any self-respecting kid who was on a quest for more candy would do…we emptied the bowl into our bags (yes, we did each have a bag even though we were supposed to be one person). I’m not even sure why we took it all. The candy was one I didn’t particularly care for but the temptation was too great to resist.

As we were awkwardly making our way through their yard at a  faster than usual pace, we saw the headlights of a car making its way toward the house. We felt sure it was the sweet older couple who so trustingly left the bowl on the porch. In order to avoid being caught we began to run. Not a good idea!

One of us tripped and we both went down. We spent what seemed like the next hour, which in reality was probably only a minute or two, rolling around in that yard trying desperately to get up. As soon as one of was standing, the other was pulled back down. We finally managed to be upright and on our feet at the same time, so we hobbled out of that yard, none worse for the wear. Well, maybe a little. I think the dress was ripped and our hairs (each head) was tousled with grass and leaves intertwined. The one justification, however, was we were laughing so hard, I peed my pants. Served me right, I know.

As we were making our way down the drive we met a parent and child heading toward the house. We told them not to bother. The people weren’t home and someone had emptied the bowl!

My friend and I always brought out the worst in each other.

My other tale is a bit shorter. I was a teen returning home on Halloween night from hanging with friends. When I arrived home the candy bowl was almost empty, yet there were still a few trick or treating stragglers. I was inspired by Charlie Brown. We had a gravel driveway. I thought it would be funny to give the kids rocks for Halloween. So I took the bowl to the drive, scooped up a healthy handful or two of gravel and dumped it into the candy bowl. When a bright-eyed innocent child would excitedly hold out their bag and say those famous words that resound on Halloween night, I gleefully grabbed one piece of candy and a rock or two (or six) and placed my hand in their bag and let it fall. Their little faces would light up as they heard all that candy falling to the bottom of the bag. The poor schmucks.

Hey, maybe it was I who brought out the worst in my friend.

The last memory I have to share involved my little brother and his asinine friends. These genesis guys decided it would be a blast to shoot lit jack-o-lanterns with squirt guns filled with…gasoline!! No one was hurt, thank God. Nuff said.

Happy (safe) Halloween!