“Even when I don’t believe, I still believe”. That’s a line from the song (and movie) by Jeremy Camp, I Still Believe.
I’ve heard the line in that song like a gazillion times. but I finally heard it while watching the movie.
Of course there is a scripture in the New Testament that says the same thing in a different way. Mark 9:24 says Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears, “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief.”
That line from the song resonated with where I am today and have often been in my life. Have you ever experienced something so big, so overwhelming that you couldn’t even pray more that\n these three words; “Lord, help me”? Yeah, me too.
There have been times in my life when it took every ounce of strength I had to utter those three words. I felt defeated and hopeless. I felt like giving up. But then it would hit me, where else would I go? Who else can do anything for me, to me, in me? No one but the only One Who can.
“Even when I don’t believe, I still believe.”
That line is fitting for the Covid 19 pandemic that we are currently experiencing. There are a lot of people and just as many opinions about the why and how of this extremely contagious virus. In the midst of all the chaos of the Coronavirsus people are turning to God that have written Him off a long time ago, for whatever reason.
On the other hand, this pandemic has caused many to wavier in their faith, wondering where God is in the midst of all the suffering and death. How could a loving God allow such a tragedy to happen, they wonder.
I get that, I do. I don’t know the answer to that question. I don’t know the answer to a lot of questions. Why were so many Jewish people abused and put to death for no other reason but their ethnicity? Why do innocence children fall into harm’s way? Why is there so much pain and suffering in the world?
I’m not diminishing nor comparing. Horrible things happen to good people, and I don’t know why. But I choose to trust. What else is there really? In the chaos of this present day, and all the horrific times that have occurred before, “Even when I don’t believe, I still believe”.
Bringing it closer to home, the suffering you have endured because of the chaos in your home life can cause you to wonder where God is. You have prayed the prayers and believed in the God who has no limits, yet the circumstances of your life remain the same.
It is hard to trust God when things don’t seem to change.
If you are having a hard time with “Even when I don’t believe, I still believe” then you are not alone. In fact, please don’t try to do this alone. Find a community. Al-Anon is a good group and there are so many all over the United States.
My church, Southeast Christian Church has many groups they offer in person or online. Contact them for more information.
And, if you would like for me to pray for you, please reach out. I am an ordained minister and a certified life coach, along with a trained women’s mentor. Let me know how I can help.