I have talked a lot about dysfunction in families and relationships lately. I am around people all the time, talking to women daily in dysfunctional relationships. Here’s the thing, they know the relationships are unhealthy, they just can’t seem to break it off.
They asked themselves that question every time they go back. It’s the routine. They see the dysfunction. They decide they’ve had enough! Again. And they break it off. This time apart from the toxic relationship can last for hours, days and sometimes even a couple of weeks. But them the texts begin. The phone starts to ring. The love speak is flowing and the empty promises repeated. And once the “I love you, baby” is uttered, the deal is closed, and the honeymoon phase begins. Again.
This too can last for a time and the cycle begins.
what kind of dysfunction am I talking about?
It really doesn’t matter. Any dysfunction of any kind, whether moderate to severe, has the same life-damaging consequences.
Blatant physical, sexual, spiritual or emotional abuse has the same toxins to a human than neglect, over and being emotionally unavailable.
This usually occurs in childhood but we carry it through the years, and it starts showing up in our relationships as teens to adults in behaviors of self-destruction, addiction of any kind or not being emotionally able to connect with anyone.
I’ve heard all the stories from horrendous abuse to simply not being loved or nurtured.
It doesn’t matter. These women, their stories, are the same, but with a different plot and characters.
Here’s the good news-the buck can stop here…with you. You can put on your baby-toddler shoes and begin to make small steps, small changes one at a time and learn how to take care of yourself. If you can’t love you, you’ll never be able to love someone else.
Will it be easy? Not on your life!
Will it be painful? You better believe it!
Will you be alone? It may seem like it at first, but finding healthy support is part of the gig.
It’s a new year.
It’s time to love yourself.
It’s time to grieve the losses you have had and learn to live.
Because those who grieve well, live well.
All the days of your life.
Decide to be good to you.
Let 2016 be the year you learn to love yourself.