Not A Perfect LIfe

Life Coach For Wives Of Addicts

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God Never Fails

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One of my favorite worship songs is Do It Again by Mack Brock, Chris Brown, Matt Redman and Steven Furtick, released in 2018. The song itself builds with the beat and general feel, but those lyrics…

ocean waves

The very first line; “Walking around these walls, I thought by now they’d fall”.

Have you been there? Who hasn’t really, right? This is real life. Things happen. Stuff goes wrong. And sometimes you wait a really long time before you see what you’re hoping will come to pass. You are trusting God…still, because, quite frankly, what else is there? Where else is there to run? You’ve done all the things. And yet, the walls haven’t fallen. Heck, there isn’t even a crack to be seen.

The next line though, “But You have never failed me yet”.

That one three-letter word “But” says so, so much. But, in all the hard places.

But in the midst of chaos.

But when life turns bad fast “You have never failed me yet.” And that’s what gets me the most. How many times have you been in such a place of despair, where the pain is insurmountable and you can barely catch a breath, much less a break?

But there’s more: “Waiting for change to come” can be the hardest thing, especially when you have absolutely no evidence or a hint of change on the horizon. But even still, you know “The battle’s won, for You have never failed me yet”.

It’s because of the hard times that you know He is here with you now because He was with you then, and all the “thens” that have occurred in your life.

What if He works in all the “thens” in your life? What if that’s the place you find Him because He has designed it to work that way?

It’s no accident that you are where you are in your life. You may not have seen it coming and perhaps it took you totally by surprise. But just because you didn’t see this real-time event taking place in your life doesn’t mean it caught God off guard. It didn’t.

I am reminded of a recent devotion called Your Happily Ever After? , from the book Seeing Beautiful Again by Lisa Terkeurst . She talks about living in the “I don’t knows” of life. It’s the same concept. God uses the “I don’t knows” and the “thens” times of life to bring beauty into the pile of ashes that make up our present.

And another thing, He can use it for your good and His glory.

I have a friend who often prays “God, show off! And use me in this painful situation to do that”. He can’t show off if there isn’t something miraculous in the works and that usually involves pain of some kind. Even when you can’t make sense of it. Even when it’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do.

Whatever you are going through, whatever mess is happening in the most intimate parts of your life, that’s where He loves to show up and show off. Don’t give up! Treat yourself with kindness. Be gentle when you need to, but then get back up and do the next thing, whatever that looks like for you, knowing that God has never failed you yet, and He never will.

If you want or need someone to pray with you and walk with you, I would love to do that. I am an ordained minister and certified Life Coach (Hope Coach), and I would be honored to help you figure out what comes next for you.

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What I Saw

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I recently attended an engagement party for a young couple who are getting married later this year. It was a happy occasion, with lots of family and friends in attendance. It’s hard to be at a party when you don’t know many of the guests. I didn’t stay long because of that, but I was there long enough to watch people interact, both young and old, and to make some observations.

the back of young woman and man walking on a fall day

I am sad today because of what I saw, and what the guests couldn’t. I look from a vantage point, a place of one who has lived many years. I see through the eyes of my experiences. I look from the place of one who has loved and who knows loss in life and I have learned to embrace the lessons from both. I look from the place of knowing, because of the Holy Spirit who lives in me.

I am saddened by men who don’t understand the gift they have in their wives. I have a heart for marriage and family because God does, and here’s what I know; God created the wife to respond to her husband even if the woman is unaware. God’s creation is still the same, and He created marriage. So, she usually does respond to however she is being treated by her husband.

I am not saying that the wife is not responsible for her actions. She is. She is accountable to God for how she conducts herself in the marriage. But ultimately, the husband holds the greatest responsibility. To whom much is given, much is required. As the leader of the home, the husband bears the majority of the weight when it comes to how his marriage and family function.

Most husbands don’t know the power that they possess because they are too preoccupied with the power they can never obtain. They could have a rich life with the woman they have married but they are blinded by an idea of riches beyond their reach. Each man’s family is the true treasure and yet they don’t see. Or perhaps, they don’t see yet.

There were tables of food in this more than modest house, and a well-stocked bar to boot. The cute paper umbrellas were enticingly placed in the glass of liquid lies, that promises to fulfill when in fact, it only leaves you feeling emptier, while beckoning you to keep searching for things you will never find here on this planet, without a relationship with the Father who loves with an unfailing, everlasting love. An umbrella drink doesn’t even come close.

I’m sorry too, for families–husbands, wives and kids who have lost the special moments along the way, and maybe more importantly, the seemingly mundane that make up a lifetime, because of preoccupation with the unattainable. The clock doesn’t stop ticking and the young don’t stay that way for long.

The pursuit of happiness will never be fulfilled with temporary people and things. It can only come close in this temporary world with the things that matter most–commitment, family and eternal life.

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I Was Reminded

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Last week was Easter week. I got texts and messages wishing me a Happy Thursday, Good Friday, Good and Saturday and Easter day. If I’m honest, I responded without much enthusiasm. I responded more out of obligation than anything.

close up of white and yellow daffodils and purple pansies

Saturday evening I went to church…in person, for the first time since March 2020. Don’t get me wrong, I have been involved in church most Sundays since the pandemic began. In fact, I am a part of the online services at Southeast Christian Church. I volunteer as a chat host and will continue to do so.

But Saturday night, sitting next to a good friend, in a sanctuary with so many other people…it was special. I had forgotten just how important gathering together in person is.

And the power of corporate worship blew me away. There were a few times I had to stop singing because I was overcome with emotion as I listened to hundreds of voice singing about our Resurrected King. It happened more than once.

And because it was an Easter celebration service, our pastor had us do the traditional response to “He has risen”! In which the congregation responded with; “He has risen indeed”. We did that a couple of times at the beginning of the sermon and then at the end. We also did it as the service concluded. I couldn’t. I mean I did, but by the second or third time we said that, during each of those segments in the service, I was overcome with emotion.

There’s just something about the sound of many voices, in unison, praising our God, the Risen Lord, that I gets me every time.

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I was reminded during that service of the many times that would happen to me on a regular basis, as I attended in-person services.

I was reminded again of the importance of meeting together to worship as a Body of believers.

I was reminded during of all Christ did between dying on the cross and leaving the tomb.

I was reminded of the fact that we need each other, even if we don’t always get along.

I was reminded of the loneliness that can ensue when we are separated from each other.

I was reminded of so many things as I gathered together with fellow believers, but what I was reminded of the most was how I had missed those times without even being aware.

I love that we have the ability to connect online with people from other states and nations. That is an amazing use of technology. But I was reminded that being in a physical place is special in it’s own way.

However you worshiped this Easter, I hope you were reminded too.

 

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In Honor Of My Brother

Family

Today my little brother would have been fifty-nine years old. It’s hard to believe he would have been that old, but harder still to fathom him being gone for so long. I haven’t typically gone to the cemetery on his birthday or any other marked occasion, however, since my dad died, I go more often. My dad is buried on the other side of that stone. I called my mother to see if she wanted to go to and she did.

head stone in a cemetery

We stood at his grave and I asked her about his birth. I’m sure I have heard the details before but today, I wanted to honor him in a small way, so I listened to the story again.

I also found that I miss my dad a little more than usual today, as I think about my brother. It’s not morbid, really. It’s healing. They were a huge part of my life. Dad for almost sixty years and for that I am grateful. My brother only eighteen years, and I am grateful for those years as well, even though we didn’t always get along :).

Life passes so quickly. People we love leave us quickly, in one way or another, without much fanfare or to-do. That’s life.

Hug your people and hold them just a little closer today. In honor of my brother.

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Even When the Day is Hard

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Some days are hard. They just are. Yesterday was one of those days. I am accustomed to hard days so I know how to push through, but yesterday? It was just hard.

white marble stairs

Usually I jump out of bed as soon as my alarm goes off, whether I feel like it or not. Yesterday was not one of those days. I lingered in bed for about thirty minutes knowing that I had to get up because I had to be somewhere at 7:00. The only way I made myself get out of bed was to make a plan that would enable me to run the few errands that needed to be done before I made my way home and back to the safe haven of my bed where I intended to spend the rest of the day.

It didn’t quite go that way.

I was in Kroger, hurriedly making my way through the aisles I needed and then to the self-check lane. As I was exiting the store I noticed an employee with a disability. She obviously had trouble walking. As I approached where she stood, on my way to the doors, she spoke to me. She wished me a good day.

I was suddenly incredibly grateful for the things I have instead of dwelling on the hard situations I had endured through the years. The ability to walk, see, hear and to have good health are things I often take for granted. But not at that moment. I was very much aware of the blessings that have been bestowed on me by a loving Father.

Don’t get me wrong, I have aches and pains. After all, I am sixty-one years old. In fact, earlier in the week I had an appointment with a podiatrist. Arthritis, orthotics and surgery were a few words being flung around as the doctor and I discussed the issues I was having. But I digress.

After picking up my order at Walmart, I decided to stop and get gas while the lines were non-existent and the price was still reasonable. It was early, but the sky was beginning to show signs of daybreak. As I was driving away from the gas pump, I couldn’t help but notice the stunning hues of red and pink exploding through the myriad of clouds, where the sun would soon become briefly visible before disappearing just as quickly behind those far-reaching clouds.

I found it difficult, as I drove, to keep my eyes from straying to the horizon bursting with signs of great artistry. I had no other choice but to pull my car into an empty parking lot and absorb the beauty of God’s creation. I retrieved my phone from the console and pulled up Youtube to listen to a couple of my favorite worship songs as I sat there in awe of the magnificence before my eyes.

There are times I don’t understand why life has to be so hard. I know why, but I don’t get it. Does that make sense to you? I prayed the prayers over the years and believed that God could change the circumstances of my life. It didn’t happen the way I had planned. And that’s okay, because I still trust in my Father even when I don’t understand.

I know that I have a choice to make every time I get to this place of not understanding when life gets hard. I know how to choose to abandon the thoughts of the negative events of my life and go with the positive, allowing God to use me how He wants to use me, and change me in the ways He wants to change me.

But sometimes…

I’m human, just like you. I know I’m not the only one who has this battle to fight daily, minute by minute, as I struggle to stay positive, or as close as I can get. I know too, that I am not the only one who has had hard events to deal with. I’m not the only one who has prayed the prayers and hoped in the One who could change the circumstances, while they stayed the same. I know that I am not alone.

If you are still with me, then I am going to assume that you too have had to find a place in your mind to stow all the things you didn’t ask for or didn’t see coming, those hard places. You too get to choose to hide behind the façade of smiles, pretending that your life is just as good as the ones being shown to you on social media, or even in person, or go to the a place of peace where you accept the things you cannot change and trust the One who knows. It’s challenging to be visible, to be who you are because of where you have been, but so very important.

As a fellow warrior of all the seemingly injustices that have come my way, I see you. I hear you without you uttering a single word. But more importantly, God knows you and He has a plan for your life. He will never leave you or turn His back on you no matter how hard life gets, and He loves you even more than you can fathom.

Some days are hard. Yesterday was for sure, but even so, I choose to stay connected to the One who knows. Help us Lord, to always trust you with all of our hearts, and lean not on our own understanding. In all of our ways, O Lord, help us to acknowledge you, and you will direct our paths.

Even when the day is hard.

What about you? Can you relate? If you are the wife of a sex addict, I’m pretty sure you have the hard days, the times of making the decision to go with it or choose to be grateful for what God has done in your life. As an ordained minister and a certified Life (Hope) Coach, I am here to help you in whatever way you need help, even if it’s just a prayer. Let’s connect~

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Where Is Your Hope?

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I am starting to sound like a broken record, I know, but New Morning Mercies, by Paul David Tripp, gives me much to ponder throughout the day since I added reading from this book full of biblical nuggets, to my time spent with God in the morning. This day, hope is what grabbed my attention.

sunset on ocean behind clouds

We all need hope.

In this crazy world, we need hope. In the year of Covid, riots, and a jacked-up presidential election, many have been left with feelings of despair and so much pain.

There are people I know who are walking through some pretty intense situations in their close relationships. They have no hope of anything ever changing on it’s own. In fact, they’ve tried everything they know to do, and nothing has made a lasting impact that brings the desired and needed change that has to take place in order to continue in the relationship. Can you relate?

Just so we’re clear about what hope is, here is the definition (according to my internet search). Hope is: 1. a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen, a person or thing that may help or save someone, grounds for believing that something good may happen.

And just so we’re a little more clear, hope is Jesus personified. I mean let’s be real, there is no real hope unless your hope is in Jesus. Everything else is flawed. It’s conditional. It’s temporary at best. When you find yourself in a dire situation like having a child who is deathly ill, a marriage that has been trashed, a lost job and means of support or any other monumental life event that can happen faster than a blink of an eye, you need a dependable hope.

You need a hope that can change the circumstances of your life and the only hope for that is Jesus.

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Jesus came to give you hope for a better life than the one you have now. He came to give you a better life than the one you are living. He came to give His life so you can have hope outside and beyond what we have and see in this life.

Hope is always about the future, whatever that looks like in your life. Tomorrow, in five minutes, or next year.

Hope is what you fix your eyes on while going through the junk.

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Hope is what you hold onto when there is no reason to expect anything different than what you’ve already experienced.

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Hope is Jesus.

Proverbs 13:12 says Hope deferred makes a heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life (ESV).

Hope isn’t a wish, or a longing. Hope is real. Hope is a person. Hope is Jesus.

Where do you put your hope?

I know it’s hard to have hope when life gets broke. Don’t do it alone. I would love to connect with you and help you figure your out your own unique next steps.

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Waiting On God

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There’s just something about starting your day with God. I was reading New Morning Mercies by Paul David Tripp, and today was all about persevering. There’s something to be said for waiting on God.

close up of big, circular spider web in trees

We live in a fast-paced world. Have you noticed? Long gone are the days when you had to wait for any amount of time for anything. I get that technology can be a wonderful thing. I like the modern-day conveniences we get to enjoy. I’m human. I want what I want and I want it when I want it. But waiting on God is a gift that comes with many different benefits, that often times, if I’m completely honest, I don’t pay much attention to.

The thing about waiting on God is that it’s best not to do it in your own strength, because when you approach it like that, it becomes about you. Waiting on God and being open to what He wants to do in you, in your situation and whatever or whoever He wants to effect in the process, is divine. Some people look at waiting as being in limbo. It’s not. If it is limbo, it’s limbo with a purpose.

As long as you are truly sitting in the space that allows God to work first in your heart, and then however He chooses, it is not limbo.

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Some people are afraid to sit in the moment, with all that it brings…the emotions, the pain, the confusion. Raise your hand if you’d rather skip over those things! But all the feels are temporary. They never last. Just read my post Feelings Are Nothing More Than Feelings. It is during those times that waiting on God is the most beneficial thing to do. For you. For those in your life.

Isaiah 40:31 says; They that wait upon the Lord, shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk; and not faint.

Oh that we would learn to wait on God.

While you are waiting on God, how can I help you to do the next right thing for you? For your life? It’s your life, so it’s your decision, no matter how many people want to tell you what to do, even if you didn’t ask. I would be honored to support you in finding your own unique next steps and praying with you while you wait.

Contact me and let’s do it together.

 

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Fear

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I’ve been thinking a lot about fear lately. This is not a perfect life, so there can be much to be in fear of. Not that I am fearful at the moment. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I’ve lived with plenty of fear, but that’s not where I am currently dwelling even though people in the world seems to have lost the ability to think for themselves. And, I’m pretty sure there is plenty to be in fear about. But still, that’s not where I’m coming from today.

blue sky with puffy clouds, hill with stairs going up the side

As I have mentioned in Mysteries, Every Little Moment and I Am Not, I have been reading New Morning Mercies by Paul David Tripp. The line at the top of today’s reading had to do with fear. Here is what Tripp said; “For the believer, fear is always God-forgetful. If God is sovereign and His rule is complete, wise, righteous and good, why would you fear?”. Why indeed?

That’s the reason I have been thinking about fear. If we believe what we say we believe about God, then why are we afraid? If we believe in Psalm 139 then what is there to be afraid of?

2020 was off the charts world-wide. Most of us alive today have either never experienced a pandemic, nor remember one, so everything that happened…all the sickness, death and uncertainty, all the political and racial unrest, all the families who have lost jobs and so much more, gives us great reason to fear. But do we believe in God? Do we believe in Who He says He is? Do we believe in the Bible, and specifically Psalm 139?

It isn’t easy. Everything that is happening is scary. There is a natural reason to be in fear, but are God’s ways not higher than the natural?

And then there’s the chaos in your personal life. That’s where I want to land. I have it. I’m pretty sure you do too. Plenty of reason to be in fear there, but what I am learning is if I have and continue to submit my life to God each and every day, if I continue to trust Him with my future no matter what I had prayed and hoped for, then all things will surely work together for God’s good and mine as well.

It’s tempting to be in fear, on a world-wide and personal level, but He truly has never failed me yet. He is there for you in that exact same way.

God is greater than anything that is going on in our country and our world. He is greater than the pain of our marriages and families. God is bigger.

What is there to be in fear of? What are you afraid of concerning your marriage? Your future? Do you have it all figured out? Do you have someone walking with you? If not, I walk with women just like you, wives of sex addicts, to help quiet the chaos of your life and mind so can figure your own unique next steps.

Let me know how I can pray for you~

 

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Every Day We Need It

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Every day we need it because this is so not a perfect life. After the day we just had in our country, how can we think we’ll ever NOT need it? After the year we had and all the things…we need it every day.

blue sky with wispy clouds and sun shining through a tree branch

I was reading New Morning Mercies by Paul David Tripp this morning, like I do every morning, and I was struck with the truth of this statement at the top of the page; “Every day you need it. You and I simply can’t live without it. What is it? The indwelling presence of the Holy Spirit”.

We can’t do life on our own. We need each other, now more than ever. Our country has gone insane. We need the indwelling presence of the Holy Spirit every single minute of every single day. Romans 8:13 states: For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if you live by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live.”

It’s not enough for us to believe. It’s important, but the indwelling presence of the Holy Spirit is how the inside of us changes. God in us. He is our only Hope.

 

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Imperfect Perfection

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The enigma of the gospel is imperfect perfection. In our imperfections we are made perfect (righteous) in Christ Jesus.

stone wall along a walkway

This morning I read Paul David Tripp‘s New Morning Mercies and this is what it said ; “If you obey for a thousand years, you’re no more accepted than when you first believed; your acceptance is based on Christ’s righteousness and not yours”.

Did you get that? I mean, if you have been around the Christian world for any amount of time, you are aware that our righteousness has nothing to do with us, right? But do we know that? Like really know that to the point that we must simply sit in awe of this love that is so astounding we have nothing to offer? No praise seems worthy enough. No amount of worship or adoration could ever be enough in exchange for what Christ did for us.

The problem is we’re human, and yet that was exactly God’s plan. We are made imperfectly perfect in Him. In the work of the cross. And not just the work of the cross, which will always be an act of love beyond our ability to comprehend, but Jesus rose again, victorious, having defeated death, hell and the grave, for all mankind, for ever!

When I begin to compare myself with anyone else, when I begin to remotely dip my toe into the righteousness of anything I may think, say or do, then my righteousness is as filthy rags. Here’s the rub…we are always unworthy of what Jesus accomplished at His death and resurrection.

We didn’t earn it.

We don’t deserve it.

We are sinners, every one.

But He isn’t.

Romans 3:20 says “For by works of the law no human being will be justified in His sight”.

And this in Romans 5:8 “God shows His love for us in that while we were sinners, Christ died for us”.

Nuff said.

While we were sinners. We are sinners. All of us. All the time. In His perfection, we who are imperfect, were not left to remain so. We are made righteous in Him. In Who He is and what He did.

There are no words for me to say, no other words to explain what He did or what this means for me, for us.

God, in His merciful love for us…for you…for me, sent His Son, the sinless Lamb, to be the atonement for our sins, to pay the price that we could never pay, to die our death, but then He rose again, so we could have Life.

It truly is about eternity, this life we live. It’s not about us. It’s not about our happiness, or lives of perfection. It’s not about our hopes and dreams. It’s about eternity and what He did for us.

It’s about our being imperfectly perfect in Him.

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