Not A Perfect LIfe

Life Coach For Wives Of Addicts

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In the Beginning God

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I was reminded this morning, I am reading New Morning Mercies by Paul David Tripp, that the first four words of the Bible are; “In the beginning, God. That pretty much sums it all up…this world, this life, our purpose and reason to exist. God.

In the beginning, God created everything, He is life, He gives purpose, He gives meaning

Why do we forget that, if we even know or acknowledge it at all? Why do we get all confused and caught up in our feelings and make life mean something it was never supposed to mean. Without those first four words; “In the beginning, God”, then life gets terribly mixed up and has a way of easily, conveniently and quickly going off the rails.

If we live our lives knowing that “In the beginning, God” we would easily find purpose and meaning. Decisions and life choices would come together and make more sense. Life would be filled with a lot less regrets. Because in the end, my decisions and choices aren’t just about me. They affect a lot of people. Not all choices and not all people. Just the ones that matter most.

For 2021, if I could wish one thing for you, I would hope that you find meaning in your life, with all the trials and issues you face, because this is not a perfect life. It could very well start with; “In the beginning, God”.

Be still. and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth. Psalm 46:10

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What If I Got It All Wrong?

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What if I missed it? What if I got it all wrong or looked at it the wrong way for, well…most of my adult life? What if you have too?

Don’t get me wrong, There is no condemnation. I am not here to bring hellfire and damnation. I am not here to lament and regret, wail and gnash teeth. But what if the things you have gone through are for a different reason than what you thought?

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I am here to explore the idea. Right here in this space. What if I missed what God was trying to show me all these years, and am just now seeing clearly? I’m not saying that I’ve missed it all, that I haven’t grown in my relationship with Jesus, but what if what He has been showing me along the way has led me to this place that I never even considered?

God has been peeling back the layers, gently, slowly, sweetly, because He knows me.

I’m not saying this is what’s going on in YOUR life, because I don’t know you that well. But I know Him, or at least I’m coming to know who He is more intimately in my life as I follow after Him.

The sermon at my church last Sunday was really good. Matt Reagan, the associate pastor at Southeast Christian Church in Louisville, Kentucky, used an analogy of a house renovation with allowing God to rework our lives.

 

It was a really good sermon because of his really good analogy. It’s hard work, tearing up a room to make it better. It’s messy work. Matt said that for he and his wife, the mess is worth it as long as they can live with the mess while keeping their eyes on the goal…the new room. To recap what Matt said:

Renovations are hard and messy. The Father (Son and Holy Spirit) are not overwhelmed, mad or confused about the renovations that need to be done in lives and our hearts. He is looking to the finished product of who we are becoming as we yield to the handy work He is doing. Matt also told us that whoever keeps the commands of the Father is the one who loves Him. Feed yourself on the Word of God, he said. Figure out what He is saying and follow Him. That is how our love for Him is measured.
This brings me back to the original question. What if the past few decades of my life wasn’t about what I thought it was? What if God was using those things to get me to the place He wants me to be…the place He needs me to be? What if I’m the only one who can fulfill the plan that He has for my life and the only way that can happen is if He renovates those things in my life that need to be changed.

 

It was hard at first, grasping this thing He is doing in my life. It’s not a new thing. I’m just looking at it from a totally different view point than I have ever looked before. What if, in spite of all the pain and stress of the things going on around me, He is bringing me to this new place on purpose, for His purpose.
What if He’s doing that in your life too?
What would that look like?
And how will you respond?

 

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Do You Hold On To The Past?

faith

I was going through some old stuff, things that make up a growing family. I was throwing things away that didn’t seem to matter and dividing the things that appeared to in piles for each family member to look at and decide if they wanted to keep what was rightfully theirs. My hope is to dwindle my keepsakes, but to be honest, if they don’t want them, I might still hold on to all the things of the past. So what is the point really?

God, forgiveness, growing, relationships, faith

And another truth not to be overlooked is that one day (only God knows when) I will be called home and those people who are going through the stuff now, will be going through the stuff again when that day comes. That day will come for each of us, not matter how much we hold on.

Why do we hold on to stuff? I get not all people do. Some people take a picture and toss it into the trash as soon as the event is over. They may hold on in their hearts, but the commemorative is of no consequence.  Others don’t even bother with a photo of the memento. It’s over, in the trash, next!

I’m not one of those people.

I also get that I haven’t thought about some of those memories in a very long time, not until the stuff took me down the lane that holds the secrets to days gone by. Is that why I keep it, to be reminded of where I was, what I have grown through and how I felt in the moment?

Sometimes I have such a strong yearning for the things of the past that I can’t even find the words to express it. Some memories are so incredibly sweet that the longing grows stronger. Others leave me raw, ripped open wide and deep, pulsating with every breath I take.

While riffling through the boxes, piece by aged piece, I came across a quote I had written down to remember. As I read these words they resonated afresh and anew: “Forgiveness is giving up all hope of a better past”. (After doing research, I’m not sure who originally penned those words but I heard them from (Anne Lamott).

Is that why we hold on to things, because we want to change the past? Is holding on to the tangible equivalent to holding on to the things that have come and gone, whether good or bad? Do these things represent holding on to what was and can never be changed?

I’m not sure if that is what I’m doing, but if so, then I pray;

Dear Father God, help me to let go of anything that keeps me tied to the past. No matter how good or how bad, it is gone. All we have is today, this moment. Help me, help us to live in the moment and trust You with our whole hearts. Forgive us for holding on to the past because it was better than today, and forgive us for holding on to all the injustices, unfairness and abuse that has occurred in our lives. Those things keep us stuck. I don’t want to be stuck, Lord, but more importantly, You don’t want us stuck. Help us to open our hearts to what You have for us today. Amen.

What are you holding on to?

 

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Talking With TyiaLynn

faith

I have started having conversations with different people, like my friends Megan and Trevor

Please join in my conversation with TyiaLynn, the founder of Critically Loved. She shared the struggles of dealing with a critically ill child and is using all the education, family struggles, grief and anxiety that surround this issue to help other people going through similar situations.

Talking With A Friend, God Stories, God uses our stories, how God works through us, going through difficult times

Please listen to see how you can support TyiaLynn is this needed ministry and listen with an ear to connect others in need to this amazing and most importantly, Jesus.

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Talking With Megan

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I had the honor of talking with my friend Megan a few days ago. She is a beautiful, brilliant and insightful woman, with just a little bit of life experience. I hope you listen and find things from our talk that help you with your journey.

Talking With A Friend, God Stories, God uses our stories, how God works through us, going through difficult times

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Talking With Trevor

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So, I started a new thing; Talking With A Friend. I have conversations via Zoom with various people (Megan} {TyiaLynn} in hopes of bringing you hope and encouragement. God can do great things in ways we cannot even imagine.

This first conversation is with a co-worker, a young man who has been blessed with leadership abilities and God-given people skills. The next conversation, which I will post later, is with his mother Megan.

I am excited about this new venture. I have a growing list with people who have different stories or new adventures. I hope you will be blessed as you join in.

This first video is pretty bad camera skills on my part. Please excuse the look and just listen. I learned a little more by the second conversation.

Let me know what you think and how I can pray for you.

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Betrayal

Betrayal

Have you ever been betrayed? If so, then you know up close and personal the emotional suffering that goes along with betrayal.

I recently read a book called Beyond Betrayal by Phil Waldrep. I just stumbled upon this book and it’s author quite by accident, but not really, because I’m pretty sure God had some things for me to glean from this book, Beyond Betrayal.

close up white Dogwood blooms

Phil Waldrep tells about a painful part of his story involving betrayal. He gets the point across that it doesn’t matter if the betrayal came about because of a friend, a spouse, a business partner or another family member. The act of being betrayed, no matter the circumstances, leaves one feeling the same gamut of emotions, no matter who was involved. Each individual will experience those emotions differently, but a commonality still remains.

This book is a good read, especially if you were betrayed by someone close and you are having a hard time processing and moving on. The words in this book give you permission to be okay with exactly where you are, knowing that exactly where you are right now, won’t be the place you will land when the processing dust settles.

This book helps you to see that it’s okay to be where you are for as long as you need to be there, knowing that you are not alone. Many people have walked this road before you, but most importantly, you don’t have to go through this probing, sometimes gut-wrenching ordeal alone.

This book helps you invite God into the healing process as you journey on. Beyond Betrayal sheds new light on an old problem leaving the reader feeling hopeful, no matter how devastated the betrayal left them.

If you are looking for help in dealing with the heartache that betrayal has caused, then I highly recommend this book.

If you have experienced betrayal and would like to talk about it, please reach out. We can make that happen. Or if you would like me to pray for/with you, I would be honored to do so

Disclosure: This post contains an affiliate link. If you purchase the book from the link provided here, I will receive a commission.

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Mother’s Day And All The Rest

Family

I was remembering just yesterday my very first Mother’s Day in 1990. After ten years of marriage I was finally pregnant and grateful beyond words.

my 3 adult children

On that Mother’s Day in 1990 my husband and I gathered with my parents and my youngest brother after church to go to lunch. I remember as we were leaving the restaurant, the wait staff handed my mother a rose, and then they handed one to me. I was a little surprised. I wasn’t a mother yet, I thought, and I mumbled something to that effect, I was only expecting a baby in a few short months. I was assured by those around me that yes, I was a mother, and this was indeed my first Mother’s Day.

It did not seem right to me at the time. I hadn’t earned the right to that title. I hadn’t put in the sleepless nights while tending to a newborn or nursing a sick child no matter how serious or how long it took, knowing that my presence made them feel better.

I hadn’t worried over the hurt feelings of a child who had been left out of a game or a party. I hadn’t spent any nights pretending to sleep until I heard my teenager come in from a night out. I hadn’t done any of those things, and yet, I was a mother.

And then I thought of all those women who longed so desperately to become a mother and it never manifested as the years rolled by and the clock ticked on. I had been there myself for those ten long years full of heartache and dreams.

That’s when I knew that being a mother wasn’t about putting in the time or bringing a baby into the world. It was more about pouring into the life of a child regardless if you were the birth mother, a relative or someone who chose to love a child just because.

I was a part of a prayer group on Zoom, and one of the participants prayed a prayer over mothers–all women really, whether they were ever pregnant or gave birth to a child. The words spoken resonated as I remembered…

It may or may not take a village to raise a child, but it does take a willing heart, an open mind and a decision to love as a mother does, with her whole heart.

Are there times in your life of dysfunction and chaos due to the behavior of an addict or alcoholic, that you regret the way your kids were raised?

Do you long for a do-over because you know way more now about staying in your lane, and lovingly detaching than you did when your children were young?

It’s only natural given the way things are while living with an addict or alcoholic, and, living with someone who deals with mental health issues.

We grow into the things we need to know when living in chaos, no matter the cause. I would be willing to bet that you were a great mom, or you wouldn’t be reading this. 

You loved your kids with a fierce love.

You did everything in your power at that time, to be the best mother you could be.

You are loving, kind and courageous. So, give yourself a break. No, go bigger than that. Pat yourself on the back for a job well-done. You were there, loving them the best you could. Protecting and nurturing. but most importantly, YOU WERE THERE.

If you struggle with the past, especially when it comes to how you mothered due to the chaos of addiction, let me know how I can help.

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Kentucky Derby

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May 2, 2020 dawned bright and clear. The first Saturday in May has boasted the Kentucky Derby continuously since 1875. But not this year.

The Run for the Roses has been postponed until Saturday, September 5, 2020, one of two times the Kentucky Derby has been reschedule in the history of this horse racing tradition. The reason the Derby has been pushed back to the end of summer is, as you know, due to Covid 19.

Today was nearly perfect weather for a day at The Downs. The sky is a vivid blue, with a wispy white cloud appearing every now and then. The sun shining brightly with not a chance for rain. It’s a little windy, which would have affected those sometimes-over-the-top Derby hats, but record crowds would have attended this year, if not for the virus. The paddocks would have been bursting at the seams and the infield- a shoulder to shoulder sea of people.

Churchill Downs Twin Spires Stock Pictures, Royalty-free Photos ...

How do I know this? Well, I was born and raised and continue to reside in Louisville, Kentucky. But here’s the thing, I’ve never attended the Derby. I used to go to the tracks with my best friend and her dad when I was a kid, but never the Kentucky Derby.

I actually have a love-hate relationship with this leg of the Triple Crown and all the activities leading up to the first Saturday in May. I have been to several annual events that precede the Derby. The Great Steamboat Race, the Pegasus Parade, the air show, and the biggest fireworks display in North America-Thunder Over Louisville- but never the race itself.

Thunder Over Louisville Images, Stock Photos & Vectors | Shutterstock


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Over the years, I have attended Derby parties, which is a thing in Louisville, but more often than not, you can usually find me at home, working in the yard, or occasionally checking in on the festivities via whatever channel is covering the day at the races.

And usually at some point during the day, I feel a wave of loneliness and a sense of missing out. I get that I can always make plans to go if I wanted, but so far, I guess I haven’t wanted enough to do so. This year, not once have I had that old familiar feeling tugging on the inside. Nothing to miss out on.

Going to the Kentucky Derby is on my bucket list. It’s an easy scratch off, I know. Maybe I will attend one year, and squelch those feelings that come around the first Saturday in May.

But not this year.

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I Still Believe

faith

“Even when I don’t believe, I still believe”. That’s a line from the song (and movie) by Jeremy Camp, I Still Believe.

I’ve heard the line in that song like a gazillion times. but I finally heard it while watching the movie.

ocean and sky

Of course there is a scripture in the New Testament that says the same thing in a different way. Mark 9:24 says Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears, “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief.”

That line from the song resonated with where I am today and have often been in my life. Have you ever experienced something so big, so overwhelming that you couldn’t even pray more that\n these three words; “Lord, help me”? Yeah, me too.

There have been times in my life when it took every ounce of strength I had to utter those three words. I felt defeated and hopeless. I felt like giving up. But then it would hit me, where else would I go? Who else can do anything for me, to me, in me? No one but the only One Who can.

“Even when I don’t believe, I still believe.”

That line is fitting for the Covid 19 pandemic that we are currently experiencing. There are a lot of people and just as many opinions about the why and how of this extremely contagious virus. In the midst of all the chaos of the Coronavirsus people are turning to God that have written Him off a long time ago, for whatever reason.

On the other hand, this pandemic has caused many to wavier in their faith, wondering where God is in the midst of all the suffering and death. How could a loving God allow such a tragedy to happen, they wonder.

I get that, I do. I don’t know the answer to that question. I don’t know the answer to a lot of questions. Why were so many Jewish people abused and put to death for no other reason but their ethnicity? Why do innocence children fall into harm’s way? Why is there so much pain and suffering in the world?

I’m not diminishing nor comparing. Horrible things happen to good people, and I don’t know why. But I choose to trust. What else is there really? In the chaos of this present day, and all the horrific times that have occurred before, “Even when I don’t believe, I still believe”.

Bringing it closer to home, the suffering you have endured because of the chaos in your home life can cause you to wonder where God is. You have prayed the prayers and believed in the God who has no limits, yet the circumstances of your life remain the same.

It is hard to trust God when things don’t seem to change.

If you are having a hard time with “Even when I don’t believe, I still believe” then you are not alone. In fact, please don’t try to do this alone. Find a community. Al-Anon is a good group and there are so many all over the United States.

My church, Southeast Christian Church has many groups they offer in person or online. Contact them for more information. 

And, if you would like for me to pray for you, please reach out. I am an ordained minister and a certified life coach, along with a trained women’s mentor. Let me know how I can help.

 

 

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