I’ve heard it said that owning our stories and maintaining love and care for ourselves is the most courageous thing we will ever do. I tend to agree.
If you have struggled through life in difficult relationships, dysfunctional marriages and families, then this is especially true. I think the most commonly used term for someone who has experienced these things is enabler or codependent. I know a thing or two about both myself.
But you know what? I am learning to own my story and love myself in spite of all the things I’ve been through. If I can successfully do that, anybody can!
I’ve also heard another statement–it has been said that once you see a pattern in your life, you can’t un-see it. I’m not so sure I agree with that one. I think humans are inherently designed to try to make sense out of chaos. If you can’t, then what’s the point? And if there’s no point? So the brain continues to work extra hard to try to make sense out of senseless things. You can’t reason with the unreasonable.
Life can be so draining.
If the codependent or enabler stops denying and turning things around to make them “normal” then the house of cards would come tumbling down and things would have to change. Change is hard, even when it’s for the better, for a healthier lifestyle. Maybe more so then. If nothing changes, nothing changes (another saying). But when it does, it requires hard decisions, doable boundaries and a healthy sense of self.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results.
Here’s the thing, we need to learn to be kind and gentle with ourselves, especially when making changes. We were doing the best we could with the skills we had when things went awry. I wasn’t equipped to deal with many of the situations I was faced with throughout my life. Maybe none of us are. Life is sort of a learn-as-you go adventure.
But there is hope on the other side of dysfunction. There is hope for lasting change that will effect not only the life of someone who endured and survived, but for generations to come. Jesus was sent to be the change. He already paid the price. To acknowledge the act of total sacrifice on our behalf and become a follower of Jesus will not only produce a more peaceful life on earth, but will ensure a place with Him forever.
That’s sounds like a plan to me.