Continuing from the last post:
And that’s what makes this hard. It is sin. Just more acceptable because it can be dressed up, hidden or paraded about as righteousness. I am a sinner, the same as the person who has such obvious hatred in their hearts that they openly show it for all the world to see. I am the same as that person. I only look better because I do those things that the Lord has taught. I obey the law, attend church, spend time with God, tithe. I do all those things that make me holy, but they are as filthy rags. Because in my heart, if I am honest, I think God owes me a decent life because of my righteousness. As it is written: There is no one righteous, not even one. Romans 3:10.
It’s not that I think I’m better than anyone else, on a conscious level. I don’t. I’m a sinner saved by grace. That’s what makes this sin so deceptive. I don’t know what I don’t know. I truly love God. I desire to follow after His ways and seek to do His will. But in my heart, I am a sinner. In the deep recesses of my soul, there lies the things that I have neglected, but I didn’t know I wasn’t paying attention. There lies those “acceptable” sins because no one knows about them. Not even me, until recently.
This isn’t to heap additional guilt on you who probably already carry more than you were intended to carry. This isn’t to make me feel better about myself by exposing your hidden sins. This is to say; “Yeah, me too”. I have sin that I didn’t know was there. I look way more righteous than I am. Not because I set out to deceive you. I am deceived myself.
I have looked inside my heart because of the circumstances of my life and have found pride, resentment and a sense of entitlement that I had no idea was there. Thank you, Faces of Christ retreat and Charles Martin, author of What If It’s True? I could have gone on living just the way I was, thank you very much. Letting people think that I am holy, as He is holy because He abides in me, and I in Him.
I have looked at the ugliness that lives in my heart. I have even told others about this discovery. The first time was truly painful, but I have found that it gets easier each time I feel the need to share.
I’m tired of me and the junk in my life that keeps me stuck. I want to be free from the pettiness, and the shame of sin that so easily finds a place to dwell. And I think God for His love and grace because He wants that for me too. I think He wants it for you as well.
He wants us free to be who He created us to be:
Vessels of the Holy Spirit.
Jesus walking the earth today.
Conduits for His gifts.
Forgiveness for our sins. Those blatant, in your face kind of sins, and the ones we need never share.
Especially the ones we need never share.