I’m a marriage veteran. I’ve been married 41 years, and have survived it. It sometimes feels like I’m a POW but I usually make it through those feelings of entrapment. I have been awarded the purple heart and re-up every year. (I mean no disrespect in my analogy, to all the brave and dedicated men and women who faithfully serve our great country. In fact, I thank you for your service).
Back to marriage…not because it’s easy…it’s not. Who said it was suppose to be easy, anyway? Actually, Love Is Like A 401K. Click on the link to find out why!
One of the greatest life-lessons I have learned is simply this: life is difficult. I didn’t know that for many years. In fact, I learned that in my early thirties. Once I found discovered that tidbit, life became a little less difficult because I stopped striving for the perfect, problem-free life. I think the same thing can be said for marriage.
I found an interesting began to unfold to me that many marriages that I always thought were rock solid, begin to crumble and oftentimes deteriorate. Sadly interesting.
It also seems that many marriages fall apart at around the 25 year anniversary milestone. I’m not sure why that is. I have theories but no hard evidence. Perhaps that is the time when most people begin to realize Life Is Short and you only get one life to live.
Typically, around the 25th anniversary coincides with the time the kids are grown (or almost) and life changes from family unit to couple-hood once again. Perhaps too, that is when you find out that you don’t really know each other the way you once did. All the unresolved, sometimes dysfunctional issues come to surface or continue to rear their ugly heads and it’s suddenly too much to take.
The interesting thing about this 25 year mark that I have noticed is that it’s usually the woman who wants out of the marriage. Contrary to popular belief, and once again I’m theorizing here, but it’s not the mid-life crisis of a man who has found a younger woman. Instead, it’s the wife.
I also think menopause makes a woman have some crazy times. The same post-op advice should apply to menopausal women…don’t make any major decisions for 24 hours after surgery. I’m thinking you gotta give the menopause thing a little longer than 24 hours, but it definitely applies.
Yesterday I was told about the marital problems of a couple I have known since they were dating. They have been married 27 years. I was stunned. In fact, I was in such shock that I thought we were talking about another couple that I didn’t know so well. It caused me grief and sadness. I wanted to shout, “I get it, I understand. It’s okay, it won’t always be this way”, but who am I to say, and how do I even know that?
I know in my heart of hearts that they will find their way through this storm and they will be better and stronger because of it. Even amidst the troubles and issues, in fact because of them, comes growth and learning.
And after all, isn’t that what life’s all about, growth and learning through the hard stuff. Who said marriage was easy anyway?
I am a ordained minister, certified life and hope coach, as well as a trained women’s mentor, Along with my life experience and passion to walk with wives in dysfunctional marriages, I would be honored to walk with you. Let me know how I can be in this with you.