The speaker of the meeting I attended this morning was talking about story-telling; how our lives are stories, and most importantly, how God uses the stories of our lives to touch the lives of others.
He was encouraging us to allow God to hone these stories and to yield to His higher purpose. Most people in the meeting agreed that the adversities of life led them to this place in time where their stories mean something and matter to others who are going through similar things.
I had a running dialog in my head during the meeting, listing my inadequacies and wondering which jacked-up story God wanted to use from MY life, and how in the world He could use me…
I was a hot mess for sure, due to circumstances from last night, and if truth be told, all the situations and events of my life. It’s funny how in times of duress, all the things get rolled into one giant, jacked-up ball, with blurred lines of what’s real, as I continue to lug it all around. Sometimes I grow weary of all the lugging. Whacked emotions wreak havoc with your thought process and it becomes hard to decipher what is real and what is perceived.
And then it hit me…
I don’t have to know. And I can stop feeling ashamed of how I feel because feelings are just that…feelings. I don’t have to know why, or how, or what, or who. I don’t have to explain or try to convince! I am where I am because of where I’ve been. And I’m pretty sure I won’t stay here. I can choose to let the feelings dominate and take me on yet another roller coaster ride, or I can choose to get off. I can get off the roller coaster when I’m done with the ride. And if I’m not done yet, that’s okay too, because I’ve been through some jacked-up times.
And then another thing hit me…
This is just a trigger. All the things I was feeling were due to being triggered by present circumstances that remind me of the past, having little or nothing to do with the NOW, though the thoughts and feelings all felt the same.
We all have triggers; something that happens that reminds us of unpleasant situations from the past. People with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder are a good example of triggers. Victims of PTSD tend to experience triggers more often than the average person.
Finally I was able to make a little sense of the craziness, and why I have been so dang weepy!
The point of this story is:
Triggers are real.
They don’t have to make sense.
You don’t have to explain them or get permission.
Your feelings matter because you matter.
If you’re fortunate enough to have someone to sit with you in your mess, then you are blessed indeed.
This too shall pass.
Because your life is your story. And stories have an end.
But not yet.